Title: HeartacheCategory: Books » TwilightAuthor: ooohlalaaaLanguage: English, Rating: Rated: MGenre: Angst/RomancePublished: 01-31-09, Updated: 04-25-09Chapters: 29, Words: 128,578
Chapter 1: Prologue
I'm in the process of cleaning up this story, because it was a little bit sloppy. It was the first thing I wrote and it was unbeta'ed until the middle, so the beginning was kind of a mess.
Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, not moi. I just take her characters and taint them.
Heartache
Prologue
BPOV
My mother had given me advice on love since I was a little girl. When I was in elementary school, she’d explained love to me vaguely.
“When you love someone, you’ll just know it.” I think that tidbit of advice was directly related to my father.
As I’d gotten older, she’d gone into slightly more detail.
“When you’re in love with someone, you know because they’re all you can think about. Everything you do relates to them, and all you need to do to be happy is be around them.” Yeah, okay. That one was for her new husband.
And when I’d had my heart broken by my first boyfriend, and she tried to soothe me over the phone, she gave me the most valuable scrap of advice that she ever had. It was the one thing she said that I’d actually kept with me.
“Loving someone is never easy. That’s how you know how much you love them. The struggle.”
I’m sure she regrets ever saying those words to me. Because in the last year, my entire existence consisted of struggles that I thought meant love. If I was smart, I would have disregarded any guidance she’d ever given to me because just following that one little statement had put my life into a whirlwind of misery and denial. Sure, maybe she didn’t intend for me to take her words as literally as I had, but it was my only justification for not giving up on Edward.
As I sat there and watched his perfect face contorting and twisting in pain, and I grasped his hand as he shook and cried, I realized that my distant, flaky mother was the last person I should’ve taken advice from. With every uneven breath that shot through Edward’s pouted lips, my chest tightened.
He’s not going to survive this.
I tried to force the thought from my mind, but I couldn’t deny it anymore.
It’s going to be my fault. This all is happening because of me.
His hand was cold. I released my grasp and tried to wipe away the sheen of sweat that was covering his forehead. Before I could place my hand on his face, the face that I’d touched and kissed and loved with everything in me, he screamed in pain. I couldn’t sit there anymore. If I had to sit there, and watch it happen, I was going to die along with him.
I felt the tears well up in my eyes. The tears that I’d been pushing away for days. The tears that I knew were never going to stop once they came. I had no fight left in me, so I jumped up and turned away from Edward, so he couldn’t see me cry. It was only going to make things that much worse for him.
As I walked to the door, I sobbed for everything that I’d been holding in. I reached out to turn the doorknob, but before I could go, I heard a raspy, pained voice call me from across the room.
“Bella,” I closed my eyes and sighed. It was the first time he’d said anything in days. “Bella, please don’t leave me…”
Chapter 2: First Night
One
First Night
“So how do you feel, Bella?”
I took a sip of my margarita and grinned at Alice. “Amazing," I told her. "I feel like this is the smartest thing I’ve ever done.” I took another gulp as Rosalie combed her fingers through my wet hair.
My move had been long and exhausting on all of us. Instead of going bar hopping and partying it up on my first night living there in New York, I was perfectly content just having a relaxing girls night at our new apartment. Well, new for me. Alice and Rosalie had been living here for two years already, and had graciously offered me the third bedroom when I’d graduated.
The three of us had been best friends since I’d moved from Phoenix to Forks, Washington to live with my father when I was in high school. They’d welcomed me into their lives immediately and made living in the dullest place on earth almost bearable. Almost.
The second I got partnered with beautiful, little, bouncy Alice in Biology, I was immediately drawn to her all around enthusiasm about life and her constantly positive, upbeat mood. She was like no one else I’d ever seen before. She and Rosalie had been best friends for who knows how long, and it was completely understandable; they were both rich and stunningly beautiful, but balanced each other out equally. Where Alice was at times overly friendly, Rose was at times overly cold. When Alice was constantly bubbly and bouncing around, Rose was constantly laid back and carefree. And I fit right plop in the middle, like I was destined to be there.
Splitting up when we went to separate colleges had been one of the hardest things I’d had to do thus far. Both Rosalie and Alice decided to go to school in New York, Alice to achieve her dream of owning her own boutique and Rosalie to become a thriving supermodel. Both of them were doing well so far.
I, on the other hand, opted to go to the University of Washington and pursue my goal of becoming a writer, since there was no possible way I could afford to live in New York. I’d moped around for months when I moved to Seattle, envisioning myself in all of the amazing stories of the city that Alice and Rose called to tell me about. Eventually, my roommate, Jessica got completely sick of my attitude and forced me to become more social, and I ended up really enjoying myself at UW.
But, the minute I got a call from Alice and Rose, which coincidentally happened to be the week after graduation, I realized that I needed to change my life around. Alice generously offered me their third bedroom, in exchange for me working a set amount of days per month at her boutique, and Rose convinced me that there was no better place in the world for an aspiring writer than New York. I all too willingly agreed, and without saying, Rose and Alice hopped on a plane and helped me pack up my life, which embarrassingly enough pretty much consisted of a few boxes of clothes, a box of books, and my laptop. I didn’t care. I was so excited about the turn my life was taking, I wouldn’t have minded leaving everything and starting over from scratch.
Rosalie’s phone suddenly rang and broke me from my thoughts. By the tone of her voice I knew exactly who she was talking to. Emmett.
Not much had changed since the last time I’d seen my friends. Rosalie was in a serious relationship at the moment, which didn’t surprise me. I’d had yet to meet her boyfriend in person, but I’d talked to Emmett plenty of times on the phone and seen enough pictures to know exactly what he was like. And I kind of loved him.
He was the perfect guy for Rosalie. The beautiful eldest son of a rich surgeon. Big, brawny, energetic, and completely and utterly devoted to Rose. He towered over her in all the pictures I’d seen, which was surprising since Rose herself was 5’10. He had bright blue eyes, black wavy hair, and deep dimples when he smiled. He was adorable, and funny, and everything you could ever ask for in a man. Well, anything Rosalie could ever ask for in a man.
I found it completely hilarious the way the two of them had met, because it was so like Rose. She’d had a thing for a photographer that had shot her once, so they ended up meeting for drinks with a few friends and his brother. The brother being Emmett. Needless to say, she left with him and they’d been inseparable since.
“Hello?” Rosalie removed her fingers from my hair and walked into the kitchen to talk when Alice shushed her. I squinted my eyes at Alice when Rosalie’s tone suddenly became harsh and I tried eavesdropping on her conversation. Alice slyly slid all the way to the end of the couch that was closest to the kitchen.
“I don’t care Emmett, not tonight!… No, it’s her first night here, I don’t want him-… yeah, I know, that…Fine, come… Okay.”
I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about, but I was referenced in the conversation so that gave me the right to be nosy. Rosalie walked back into the room twirling a strand of her long, blonde hair nonchalantly around her finger and she smiled at me.
“Emmett is going to drop by. Do you mind?”
I laughed and shook my head. “Of course not! I actually really want to meet him. In person, you know?”
I noticed that Alice had stiffened and she was giving Rosalie a strange look. Something was going on between them and it was pissing me off.
“Who’s he with?” She moved her eyes from Rose’s and stared blankly at the TV.
“I don’t know… why?”
Alice shrugged. “Don't play coy with me. I heard your little discussion.” Rosalie smirked and squeezed herself between me and Alice.
“Who do you think?” Rosalie was done talking about it, and although she didn’t seem phased by Emmett’s upcoming visit, Alice did.
“I’m going to get changed,” Alice muttered, unenthusiastically.
With that, Alice hopped to her room and left me sitting with Rose.
“So, can I do something with this hair?” She held up one of my damp locks and dropped it on the pillow behind me.
I was sitting on the floor in front of Rose a short while later, getting sprayed with some kind of product when we heard the buzzer go off.
“Oooh! Can I get it?” I asked, hopping up from the floor and running to the intercom, excited to meet new people. I buzzed them in and unlocked the door so that Emmett could let himself in.
“My hair looks pretty sexy,” I joked, posing in the mirror before spinning around, admiring my newly styled coif. Rose was amazing at everything. As I stood there, pulling at pieces of my dark, shiny hair, the door suddenly opened.
My mouth hung open in shock when I saw who was standing there.
EPOV
I didn’t want to be there. I knew exactly what Emmett was doing, and as much as he tried to make it seem like it wasn’t about me, I knew why we were going there. I didn’t like Rosalie, I was pretty sure Alice didn’t like me, and I was pretty fucking sure I knew why. Emmett had a big fat mouth and blabbed everything about what was going on with me to his obnoxious excuse of a girlfriend. I mean, I didn’t know for sure that he’d told her anything, or that she’d told Alice anything for that matter, but I was pretty confident they all knew.
I loved my brother, but on days like that one, I realized why we were becoming distant. He didn’t know when to butt out of my fucking business and just let me live my life. After leaving dinner at our parent’s house earlier that night, my father pulled Emmett into the other room. I knew what was coming.
When the two of us walked outside, Emmett inquired as to what I was doing for the rest of the night. Or should I say, Dad inquired. I knew exactly what the fuck was going on. Carlisle was watching me through Emmett. I almost felt bad for the sorry bastard, because he didn’t want to do any of it. So, I decided to make it easy on him. I told him that we could do whatever he wanted, and of course, after our recent “incidents,” the days of us going barhopping together were pretty much over, so there I was, being dragged up the stairs to Rosalie-the bitch-Hale’s apartment.
Emmett pushed open the door and standing in front of me, with her jaw hanging open and a piece of dark brown hair in between her fingers, was Rose and Alice’s new roommate. Emmett had mumbled something about her on the way there, but I was too busy worrying about how I was going to get through the night without jumping off Hale’s balcony to pay much attenion.
When I saw her, I was actually pretty shocked that this girl was best friends with Rosalie and Alice. She had on these frayed denim shorts and just a tank top with red high-top Converse. The same ones I had on. Rose or Alice wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that shit if it was the middle of the Apocalypse. New roommate's little body was curvy and tiny all at the same time, and her huge, chocolate brown eyes were staring right at me. I kind of wanted her.
My first reaction was to laugh at her expression- I usually got the same kind of thing from most women- and then I pointed down at her sneakers.
“Nice.” I looked down at my feet and as she followed my eyes she let out a giggle. “Who are you?”
“Uh, well- you’re in my apartment, so who the fuck are you?”
Alice burst out in laughter that I could hear even though she wasn’t in the room. Rosalie just rolled her eyes at me and pointed to new roommate girl.
“Bella, this is Edward, Emmett’s brother.” She spoke the sentence in a monotone voice, emphasizing how little she cared about me. Passive aggressive bitch. “This, obviously, is Emmett.”
I watched as Bella ran to Emmett and he picked her up in a huge hug, looking like he was going to crush her small body. It scared the shit out of me.
I strolled into the other room while the three of them talked and reminisced, plopping down on the sofa uncomfortably close to Alice. She sneered when she saw me and tried to cram herself farther into the arm of the sofa.
“So, Alice, guess what?” I threw my arm around her as she sighed.
“What, Edward?”
“Turns out, Jasper wants to do the dirty with you.”
I knew that would do it. Her eyes widened and blinked a few times before she shrugged. “I know that already.”
Alice had been crushing on my best friend, Jasper, for months. I knew he wanted to hit it since the first day he saw her, but I figured I’d hold onto that piece of information until the time called for it. And right at that moment was the time. Since Carlisle decided to have me on a short leash and coerce Emmett into babysitting me 24/7, I knew I was going to be spending lots of time with these chicks, and I also knew it would've been way easier if it least one of them didn’t despise me.
“So," I continued. "You want it too. I know you do.”
Alice rolled her eyes and drummed her fingers against the edge of the couch. “You’re terribly mistaken, Cullen. If he’s anything like you I want nothing to do with him.”
I snickered and shook my head. “Lucky for you, he’s nothing like me.” It was sort of a lie. Alice knew what I meant, though. I leaned my head into hers so that my mouth was near her ear and I whispered into it. “I want your new friend.”
She shoved my face back with her palm and poked me in the chest.
“You just... stay away from her, Edward. I’m not kidding. She’s a good person, and you’re…”
“What, Alice?”
I waited for her response and started laughing hysterically when she finally said it.
“You’re a douche bag.” I continued laughing as she sat there watching me, not amused. “Edward, come on. How about for once in your incredibly shallow, self centered life, you think about someone besides yourself and be respectful. If you sleep with my friend and ditch her, I promise you that you’ll no longer have balls when I’m done with you.”
“Ouch.” I put my hand over my crotch and smiled. “Chill out, Alice. And I am thinking about someone besides myself. I’m thinking about you and Jiggity Jasper. Hooking up. What do you think?”
She finally gave up the cranky bitch attitude and smiled at me.
“Are you just bothering me? Or are you serious?”
“I’m completely serious, sister.” Alice’s eyes widened again before my new lady, Bella, walked into the room and distracted her. “I’ll be back, in a minute to keep talking about this,” I told Alice, strolling past Emmett into the bathroom as he glared at me and shook his head.
Don’t do it.
I knew what he was trying to say. I didn’t give a shit. I was doing him a favor by following him around like a damn puppy so that Carlisle would back off of him. So, as long as he shut the hell up and stopped trying to play big brother, everyone continued to be happy and Carlisle was none the wiser.
When I was finished, I opened the door to leave the bathroomn and almost knocked into Bella, who was standing right in front of the door. I smirked at her as she spread her hands across the doorframe, blocking me in the bathroom.
“So, Edward,” she said, tilting her head to the side and frowning. “Why does everyone around here have such a problem with you?”
I scratched my chin and scrunched my nose, pretending to think. “You mean they don’t like me?”
She giggled and dropped her hands from the doorway.
“Uh, that's the impressionI'm getting. You should’ve seen the mood tense in here when Emmett told Rosalie you were with him.”
I took a deep breath and yanked at my hair. “Yeah, well… thanks to my brother, I think your friends have a skewed image of me. Oh, and to be fair, I didn’t like Rosalie before she didn’t like me.”
Bella’s eyes lit up and she gasped.
“Wait, wait, wait… so you’re the photographer? Oh, this is rich. No wonder you don‘t like her! You took her out on a date and she left with your brother! Ha!”
I was starting to not like Bella so much. She was a little too observant for her own good.
“Yeah, yeah hilarious.” I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall. "I also don't like Rosalie because she's a bitch."
“Well, all that doesn’t explain why Alice doesn’t like you.”
I smiled and purposely flashed my teeth at her to decieve her and make her believe I was nicer than I was. “I think Alicea and I are slowly clearing things up. Anything else, or are you done with the Spanish Inquisition?”
“Oh, I’m far from done, but you can go now," she said, dropping her arms from the doorframe. "I like you, Edward. You’re interesting.”
With that, she shoved me out of the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.
Chapter 3: Edward
Two
Edward
I couldn’t help but stare at the beautiful man sitting in my living room.
Edward.
It was almost impossible to sit there and keep my cool, and not be intrigued by his every move. My eyes followed his long, pale fingers that were grasping the neck of his beer, to his lean, muscular arm that lead to his broad shoulders. And his face.
Oh, my god.
It was magical. He has these ridiculous, hypnotizing deep green eyes and ths sexy, wide, squared jaw that complemented his lips and the rest of his face perfectly. Every time he ran his fingers through or scratched or pulled his bronze, tousled hair, I had to repress a sigh. I’d never seen anything like it. I tried to wrap my mind around the reasons why Alice and Rosalie had such an odd reaction to him.
Even more appealing to me than his physical beauty was the mysterious, smug air he had about him. Sure, he was a cocky bastard, but why wouldn’t he be? It was kind of hilarious to me, because to the naked eye, he was the epitome of perfection. So I just sat there and tried not to stare as he sat in the armchair, bored out of his mind and making snide comments while Rose, Alice, and Emmett brought me up to date on everything that was going on with their lives.
The one thing I found extremely odd was the strange kind of interactions that he had with his brother. I could tell just by looking at them that they were close in age, and by things Emmett had said in passing that they were close at a time, but it seemed like something had happened since then and now it was like Emmett was almost… protective of him. It was bizarre. Every time I’d try to involve Edward into the conversation or ask him questions, Emmett would cut off his answer, or just talk for him. I felt so out of the loop.
In a way, I almost wanted him to leave so that I could start bugging Rosalie and get to the bottom of it, but the thought of Edward leaving and not knowing when or if I was going to see him again filled me with a sort of hopelessness.
So, I did the next best thing I could think of. I tried to drink myself stupid to keep my mind occupied.
As Alice and Rosalie told Emmett a story about our usual antics in Forks, I snuck out of the room to the kitchen to make myself another margarita. While I held the back of the mixer to my face and squinted to try and read the directions, I heard Edward's smooth, melodic voice behind me.
“You mix it with the tequila," he said with a sigh. "Not rocket science.”
He opened the refrigerator to grab another beer as I gave him a sarcastic smile. I starting pouring the bottle into my cup, before he chuckled and grabbed my arm.
“Jesus. Not that much. Move over.” He dumped half of the margarita mix that I'd poured into my cup down the drain and filled the rest up with Cuervo.
“What are you, a bartender?”
He raised his eyebrows and handed the glass to me. “Nope. Just an avid drinker.”
“I see. Then we have something in common.” I clinked my glass to his bottle and took a gulp of my disgustingly strong margarita. “So, is there some reason why you’re being babysat right now?”
He stared expressionlessly at me for a few seconds before frowning. “What?”
“Your brother… why does he keep-”
“Don’t worry about him.” He waved his hand in the air indifferently and took a step closer to me. “So, Bella… what brings you to New York?”
I hopped up on the counter, enjoying the fact that I was able to talk to Edward without people glaring at me or censoring his words.
“I missed my friends," I answered with a shrug. "And I’m writing a book.” That seemed to interest him, as he raised one corner of his mouth up in a smirk.
“What about?”
Shit. I should’ve known that was a predictable question people were going to ask when you told them you were writing a book. I shrugged my shoulders again and took another swig of my drink.
“I haven’t started yet. I’m waiting for some inspiration.” Lame answer, but it was true.
He looked down at his feet as the other room grew mysteriously quiet. I tried to think of some normal question to ask him, so that if the snooping idiots in the other room were listening they wouldn’t think I was doing anything suspicious, even though I sort of was.
“So, you’re a big photographer, huh? That seems like an awesome job.” Edward just nodded, clearly not concerned with talking about it. “Did you always want to do that?”
“Not really. I wanted to go to med school.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“I-”
“Bella! Can you get another beer for Emmett?” Rosalie’s shouting words strategically cut Edward off before he could finish his sentence. The irony wasn't lost on me. He grabbed another beer out of the fridge as I hopped off the counter, and before we could walk back to the other room, he grabbed my wrist and spun me around.
“Do you have plans for tomorrow?” he asked, whispering. I shook my head once as I stared, mesmorized, into his eyes. “Do you want to come somewhere with me?”
“Um... sure.”
“Okay," he said, smirking at me. "You have to keep this between us, though. Don’t tell those two.”
Edward winked at me, and I swear to god my legs went numb.
“I won’t,” I assured him.
With that we walked casually back to the other room, and I faked enthusiasm as I reentered their conversation.
The rest of the night passed without incident. I made it a point to give Edward cryptic smiles and glances, as no one else in the room seemed to acknowledge him. As he and Emmett stood up to leave, I slipped a piece of paper with my number into his pocket, purposely touching his leg so he knew. After th two of them left, I wasted no time prying the girls for information.
“Okay, so I’m confused. What’s going on?”
Rosalie and Alice looked at each other before looking back at me, feigning confusion.
“What do you mean?” Rosalie questioned, as I put my hands on my hips and stared at her.
“I’m sorry, do I look stupid? What’s with the Edward cockblocking and not letting him talk, and-”
“It’s nothing, Bella.” Rose cut me off, but her words were calm and collected, as though she’d practiced this line before.
Alice just twirled around and walked back to the living room.
“Where are you going?” I asked suspiciously.
“I don’t know anything about friggen Edward! Talk to Rose.”
Rosalie leaned against the wall, eyebrows raised, not saying anything. Finally, she sighed and rolled her eyes.
“Look, honestly, I know Edward is… really hot, or whatever, but you should just stay away from him. Don’t get involved.”
I shook my head and moved in front of her when she tried to walk away. “Uh, well, I like him. He was nice to me.”
“Yeah, he’s nice to every girl at first," Rosalie said with a patronizing chuckle. "He just wants to fuck you, Bella. Don’t be a fool.”
She tried to walk away again, but I stood my ground and didn’t let her by. Her blue eyes started watering as she laughed again, hard, and she put her hand on her forehead.
“Okay, fine. I guess, Edward’s been getting into a lot of trouble lately. Their father has been on Emmett to kind of watch over him, and make sure he’s… behaving himself. And it’s going to be a long process, because Edward is a stubborn, bratty pain in the ass. So, that’s all.”
I didn’t know what this ‘bad behavior’ pertained to, but I was pretty sure it was serious if a grown man had to be watched over like a child. Disturbingly enough, I didn’t really care. There was something about Edward that just… drew me to him.
I knew what I was going to do. I planned to approach him when I saw him the next day. Without everyone there, listening and watching his every move, I was almost sure he’d be a little more open with me.
I stepped out of Rosalie’s way, satisfied with the information she’d given me, and I went to bed, preparing for the next day.
Chapter 4: Date
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