Lost Like Tears in the Rain.pdf

The Black Balloon Contest

Title: Lost Like Tears in the Rain

Your pen name: VampiresHaveLaws

Characters: Bella/Edward

Link:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5862560/1/Lost_Like_Tears_in_the_Rain

The rain was comfort and peace. Its sharp and icy beads brought feeling to the

numbness I found myself feeling as of late. But after a while the numbness would

be back, this time in the touch of frozen skin and limbs. To me, there was no

better feeling than wrapping yourself in warmth after being so cold... so alone. It

was the only comfort I would allow myself. The one person that wanted to give

me that feeling, who was completely willing to do anything for me, wasn't an

option. I wouldn't allow him to do that for me. I was not deserving of his care.

I was sitting with my back against the rough bark of the old moss-covered tree

positioned at the edge of the meadow I had stumbled across early last spring. It

had instantly become a favourite spot of mine to and come and think. Nobody

bothered me here, I had told no one about it. It was my own special place that

was safe enough for me to expel my regrets and fault without creating pain to

others. The area was filled with the scent of wild-flowers, all pinks and blues,

attracting the busy bee and occasional bird. The colours were a painful reminder

of what could have been.

Today was my twentieth birthday... but I would not be celebrating. I knew he

would have some gift waiting for me at our small apartment with its ever-fading

curtains and mismatched furniture, even after the serious talk we'd had last night

while staring helplessly across from each other in our bed. The small distance

between our bodies had felt like the expanse of the ocean, dangerous depths to

be crossed before reaching the other. This detachment had been inevitable.

The first time I'd laid eyes on Edward Cullen was on my first day at Forks High. I

was fifteen, shy, and had just transferred schools. He had immediately seized my

attention. He was so beautiful, even back then.

*~*

"Is that all you're having?" Angela asked, nodding to the bottle of lemonade in

my hands, a worried expression stamped onto her face. I wrinkled my nose at the

sodden lettuce on her own tray before meeting her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm sure," I replied. She glanced down at her own plate before letting out

a soft giggle.

"Can't say I blame you." We smiled at each other before she led me to a table

with a few recognisable faces from the day so far. A girl with a head of

particularly frizzy hair was eyeing me warily, her head cocked to the side, her lips

puckered.

I kept my head down as I sat, my fingers playing with the paper label on my

bottle.

"You're Isabella, right?"

I hesitantly raised my eyes, the frizzy haired girl now seated next to me.

"Bella," I corrected with a smile.

Before she had chance to ask her next question, a group of three boys burst

through the doors, catching the attention of not only me, but everyone else at

the table as they all turned toward the noise. Apparently I wasn't the only curious

one here.

It was three boys, all being completely different in size and appearance, but if I

was being truly honest, I didn't even take much notice of the other two within of

the group. My focus was solely on the one in the black shirt. I suddenly felt as if I

couldn't breathe. His head was thrown back in laughter, his eyes shut and

crinkled slightly at the sides. His laugh had a musical lilt to it; I could have

listened to it for hours and not once gotten bored.

"They're all so dreamy," someone stated breathlessly next to me. This girl had

short, black hair and was wearing paint-splattered dungarees. She had her chin

resting in her upturned palm with a "far away" look on her face. I was glad I

wasn't the only one who seemed to be so wildly affected.

"Who are they?" I asked, my eyes flicking between the two girls at either side of

me. They both snapped out of their almost trance trance-like states, and leaned

towards me, more than ready to start talking. I was incredibly grateful.

"Sorry, I was honestly about to introduce myself, just before I got... distracted.

I'm Alice," the girl in the dungarees greeted me, with a genuine grin upon her

lips.

"Yeah, I guess I should have done that too." The frizzy haired girl chuckled. "I'm

Jessica." I was relieved that I would no longer have to refer to her hair as a label

for the inquisitive looking girl.

"Bella," I responded again, with my own small smile directed at them both. It felt

as like that was the only word I'd spoken said all day, what with the amount of

times I'd had to say it.

Jessica shot a quick glance over to them before leaning in further. "Well, the big

one, that's Emmett — plays football and likes to play pranks, so watch your

back," Jessica warned. I nodded my head, feeling a little panicky at the thought

of him doing something like that to me.

Alice was practically buzzing to get her next words out. "The one sitting at the

middle of the table is Jasper, he's from the south and seriously has the best wink

ever. I've been lucky enough to receive it twice now, once in history when he

caught me staring at him, and the second time when I accidentally bumped into

him at the store when buying my mother bleach. He told me his mother mom

used the same brand. It's fate." That far away look was glazing over her eyes

again, threatening to take her off into a Jasper-filled la-la-land.

While it was good to know who the other two were, they were not the ones I

wanted to hear about. I chanced a surreptitious peek at them again while taking

a mouthful of my drink, the fizzy lemon hissing away inside the bottle, froth

gathering at the top. There was now another small group sitting with them, three

people in fact. The pom-poms at their feet gave them away. Cheerleaders. I

figured those boys would all have glamorous girlfriends, so I couldn't really say it

came as a shock to me.

"And the other one?" I asked while looking back down at the table, my eyes

trained on a particularly odd-looking knot in the wood. "Who's he?" It felt like

they were taking forever to answer, but in reality I knew it was just my

eagerness to find out making it seem that way.

"That's Edward Cullen. He's smart, dazzling and just... exquisite. He seriously has

the most amazing smile you will ever see, like it crooks to the side ever so

slightly and everything," Jessica said excitedly, her hands moving in a circular

movement, presumably for emphasis. I could only imagine what it would look

like, and felt a fleeting pang of jealousy at not having witnessed it. I was being

utterly ridiculous. It was at that moment of internal chastisement that I looked up

and all thoughts stopped.

He was looking our way, his eyes simply travelling from one person to the next.

Then my eyes met his, so very green. I took everything in greedily, not wanting

to waste this lucky situation I suddenly found myself in. His hair was mainly

brown, the fluorescent lighting hinting at a natural bronze tint. It was a little

wayward, messy even, but it somehow looked so right. His jaw line was

perfection; the urge to run my fingers over his skin was so strong I had to ball

my hands into fists in my lap. I blushed profusely at my line of thought and

immediately broke eye contact, my hair falling around my face, creating a

protective curtain.

"Edward Cullen is staring at you," Jessica half half-squeaked, half half-hissed, her

excitement over this fact evident. I couldn't help but take one last peek at him,

letting out a gasp when my gaze had refocused on his form.

He was smiling at me, that very same crooked smile Jessica had previously been

describing. She was completely right; he was dazzling.

I glanced at my watch and knew it was time for me to head back to him, to see

the concern in his features, his pain, the very same pain that I was responsible

for. I had been in love with Edward from that first day. I remember when I was

little; I would constantly hear those stories of love at first sight and always scoff,

never once believing them.

I was wrong.

I was living proof that it was in fact true, that it was possible and did exist. He'd

been my best friend and soul mate just shy of those five years. He had always

been my first concern, and in some ways always would be. We did everything

together, never wanting to spend one minute apart. He even climbed through my

bedroom window at night for those first few years, always when he knew Charlie

would be asleep, simply so we could be near one another. I'd fall asleep with his

arms encasing me, my head resting on his chest, the thump of his heart-beat my

music of choice.

We both had stubborn personalities, often leading us into petty fights and spiteful

glares. It would never last long; we needed each other too much to ever let it go

further than a few hours. It was always Edward that found me first.

A simple kiss on the cheek from either one of us would begin to dissolve the

tension, loving whispers and tender apologies spoken passionately in between.

But there was a time when he hadn't been my only thing, my only responsibility.

There was a time I was carrying another, a child, his child.

*~*

8 months earlier

I was late...

I was never late.

I had bought a home pregnancy kit, opting for the digital kind. Lines and dots

meant nothing to me, I needed to see the result in words for my mind to fully

accept what could possibly be happening... growing. I was nineteen, only

nineteen. I couldn't be pregnant, there was just no way, we were always so

careful. I had taken the pill pretty much religiously for the last three years. I

suppose I could have forgotten a day or two, but those days weren't apparent to

me now.

What would Edward say? What would my parents say?

Charlie would be so disappointed in me. My mother, oh God, I wouldn't couldn't

even allow myself to fully imagine what she would think. She would most likely

sneer at me, or worse than that, not even care. She'd never wanted me, I'd

always known. I think she took me with her when she left Charlie just to spite

him and leave him all alone in the world.

I was a responsible person, but I wasn't ready - I knew I wasn't ready. There was

work and college. Where would we live? Would Edward leave me... No, I knew he

wouldn't. He'd get a no-prospects job, I'd wreck his future. His parents would

loathe me. My friends would look at me with pity. The town would look at me with

disdain. I would hate myself.

I picked up the white stick, a thought pushing itself to the forefront of my mind, a

snort escaping me. White... white represented purity, innocence... untouched. I

was no longer any of those things. No-one who had to use this stick could be

described as such. Just another sick example of the universe fucking with us. I

hesitantly looked down. My breath stopped. There it was, the word I'd prayed not

to see.

Pregnant.

My breaths resumed, quicker, louder. I knew I was hyperventilating, one step

away from having a panic attack. Sobs tore their way from my throat, a pain in

my chest like nothing I'd ever felt before. I started to pace, the small confines of

the bathroom not helping with the sheer panic coursing through my body. The

words "oh God" were repeating themselves like a broken record, playing over and

over in my head, falling from my lips, pumping through my veins.

Tears streaked down my face, bile rose in my stomach, wanting, needing an out.

I rushed to the toilet, expelling the symptoms of fear and stupidity into the white

porcelain. The the colour once again not escaping my notice. This time I did not

snort, or find humour in the situation. Even if I'd wanted to, it wouldn't have

happened. I was scared.

I wasn't that girl, the one who got knocked up by her boyfriend at such a young

age. I wasn't the walking cliché of someone living in a small town. We had plans,

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