{2347}{2409}- Come here.|- What? {2851}{2934}- Good morning, Mrs Staples.|- Good morning, madam. {3196}{3246}Late! Late! {4586}{4659}Oh, fuck! Fuck! {4764}{4813}Fuck! {5058}{5161}- Fuck! Right, we take yours.|- It only goes 40 miles an hour. {5411}{5463}What turn-off? {5488}{5566}- Better not be the B359.|- It's the B359. {5568}{5618}Fuck it! {5717}{5753}Fuck! {5878}{5903}Fuck. {6190}{6248}Fuck. {6467}{6494}Fuck. {6496}{6530}Fuckity fuck! {6653}{6703}Bugger. {6929}{6995}Hello, Charles. {7354}{7407}There's a greatness to your lateness. {7413}{7476}It's not achieved without real suffering. {7517}{7561}I am so sorry. {7563}{7655}I'll be killing myself after the service,|if that's any consolation. {7657}{7761}- Doesn't matter. Tom was standing by.|- Thanks, Tom. You're a saint. {7763}{7813}Disastrous haircut. {7916}{7982}- You haven't forgotten the rings?|- No. {8439}{8504}Hate people being late. Hate it. {8760}{8810}Here we go. {9335}{9394}Oh, isn't she lovely! {9396}{9482}Scarlett, you're blind.|She looks like a big meringue. {9679}{9763}Dear friends, what a joy it is|to welcome you to our church {9761}{9862}on this wonderful day|for Angus and Laura. {9864}{9994}Before we start the service,|let us all join together in the first hymn. {11505}{11550}Scarlett. {11621}{11716}Dearly beloved, we are gathered|together here in the sight of God {11718}{11772}and in the face of this congregation {11790}{11876}to join together this man|and this woman in holy matrimony, {11878}{11986}which is an honourable estate,|instituted in the time of man's innocency. {11988}{12019}Back in a sec. {12021}{12082}If any man can show|any just cause or impediment {12093}{12143}why they may not be|lawfully joined together, {12145}{12223}Iet him speak now|or for ever hold his peace. {12254}{12323}Do you promise to love her, comfort her, {12337}{12399}honour and keep her,|in sickness and in health, {12401}{12497}and, forsaking all others,|keep thee only unto her {12499}{12569}- for as long as ye both shall live?|- I do. {12578}{12623}To love and to cherish {12625}{12698}- till death us do part.|- till death us do part. {12700}{12818}- And thereto I pledge thee my troth.|- And thereto I pledge thee my troth. {12854}{12904}Do you have the ring? {13072}{13196}- With this ring, I thee wed.|- With this ring, I thee wed. {13209}{13244}With my body, I thee worship. {13270}{13329}With my body, I thee worship. {13334}{13399}And with all my worldly goods|I do thee endow. {13410}{13501}And with all my worldly goods|I thee endow. {13642}{13750}'lf I speak with the tongues of men|and of angels, but have not love, {13752}{13838}I am become as sounding brass,|or a clanging cymbal.' {13840}{13867}Good point. {15251}{15337}- Great hat.|- Thanks. I bought it specially. {15436}{15481}There. {15649}{15717}Right. Get in position, please. {15727}{15780}Thank you. Smile. {15789}{15900}- Splendid, I thought. What did you think?|- I thought splendid. What did you think? {15902}{15933}Splendid, I thought. {15935}{15995}Scarlotta, fabulous dress! {15997}{16056}The ecclesiastical purple|and the pagan orange {16058}{16112}symbolising the symbiosis in marriage {16133}{16176}between the heathen|and Christian traditions? {16178}{16223}That's right. {16235}{16302}Lovely. And again. {16337}{16443}- Any idea who the girl in the black hat is?|- Name's Carrie. {16426}{16493}- She's pretty.|- American. {16498}{16523}Interesting. {16525}{16576}Slut. {16578}{16628}Really? {16637}{16695}Used to work at Vogue.|Lives in America now. {16697}{16759}Only goes out with|very glamorous people. {16777}{16821}Quite out of your league. {16841}{16891}Well, that's a relief. Thanks. {16899}{17009}- See you there.|- Off you go. {17022}{17082}Right. Reception. {17176}{17226}Bye! {17377}{17443}Anyone else tread in a cowpat? {17445}{17512}No, thought not. See you in a mo. {17514}{17614}Do you think l'd hate him as much|if he wasn't my brother? {17639}{17750}Don't want to blow my chances|for romance by smelling of dung. {17845}{17942}I never know what to say|in these wretched line-ups. {17937}{18034}It's a cinch. Just give a big, warm hug|and say the bride looks pregnant. {18036}{18145}- Or go for 'you must be very proud'.|- Heaven preserve us. {18172}{18209}- You must be very proud.|- Indeed. {18230}{18275}- Hello.|- Hello. {18277}{18306}Hello. {18469}{18550}Hi. We've met. It's Richard Maples. {18581}{18644}Bastard. {18792}{18827}Hello, Bern. {18829}{18862}Two, please. {18864}{18950}- You have fun.|- Take care. {19011}{19068}- Hello.|- Hi. {19100}{19192}- Do you want one of these?|- Thank you. {19184}{19228}- I...|- Hello, Charles. {19241}{19322}Hello, dear John.|How are you? How are you? {19305}{19396}- Good. This is...|- Carrie. {19377}{19444}- Delighted. I'm John.|- Hi, John. {19483}{19561}- How's your gorgeous girlfriend?|- She's no longer my girlfriend. {19567}{19624}Ah, dear. I wouldn't get|too gloomy about it. {19626}{19748}Rumour has it she never stopped bonking|Toby de Lisle in case you didn't work out. {19736}{19814}She is now my wife. {19816}{19879}Excellent. Congratulations. {19881}{19932}Excuse me. {19952}{20014}Any kids or anything, John? {20016}{20105}Do we hear the patter of tiny feet? {20131}{20168}No. {20170}{20270}Well, there's plenty of time for that,|isn't there? No hurry. {20496}{20546}Hi. How are you? {20917}{20988}- My name's Fiona.|- I'm Gerald. {21020}{21107}- What do you do?|- I'm training to be a priest. {21109}{21156}Good Lord! {21168}{21233}- Do you do weddings?|- No, not yet. {21235}{21300}I will, of course. Jolly nerve-racking. {21302}{21382}Yes, rather like the first time one has sex. {21423}{21471}Well, I suppose so. {21473}{21594}Though rather less messy, of course,|and far less call for condoms. {21784}{21853}How're you doing? {21861}{21923}Remember the time|you started Dad's boat... {21932}{21992}..and the propeller cut my leg to shreds? {22001}{22030}This is worse. {22152}{22258}- Who's that boy over there in the grey?|- His name's David. {22272}{22331}Something of a dish, isn't he? {22333}{22387}Well, l've always thought so. {22389}{22456}- Why are they...?|- The dish can't hear. {22510}{22535}Gosh. {22537}{22644}Yeah, silent but deadly attractive. {22662}{22710}Bang, bang, bang. That's it. {22712}{22780}Into the marquee, please.|Dinner is served. {22842}{22940}- How do you do?|- Hello. Tom. Splendid to meet you. {22942}{22992}Very exciting. {23279}{23315}Hi. {23345}{23461}My name's Scarlett. Don't let me|drink too much cos l'll get really flirty. {23502}{23613}- How do you do? My name's Charles.|- Don't be ridiculous. {23615}{23751}- Charles died 20 years ago.|- Must be a different Charles, I think. {23753}{23811}Are you telling me|I don't know my own brother? {23813}{23840}No. {24231}{24329}Ladies and gentlemen,|l'm sorry to drag you from your desserts. {24331}{24429}There are just one or two little things|I feel I should say, as best man. {24431}{24549}This is only the second time l've been|a best man. I hope I did OK that time. {24551}{24632}The couple in question|are at least still talking to me. {24670}{24764}Unfortunately, they're not|actually talking to each other. {24766}{24849}The divorce came through|a couple of months ago. {24906}{24981}But l'm assured it had|absolutely nothing to do with me. {24985}{25121}Paula knew Piers had slept with her sister|before I mentioned it in the speech. {25155}{25237}The fact that he'd slept with her mother|came as a surprise, {25239}{25426}but I think was incidental to the|nightmare of recrimination and violence {25428}{25499}that became their two-day marriage. {25501}{25581}Anyway, enough of that.|My job today is to talk about Angus. {25589}{25651}There are no skeletons in his cupboard. {25653}{25716}Or so I thought. {25739}{25836}I'll come on to that in a minute.|I would just like to say this. {25937}{25957}I am, {25959}{26125}as ever, in bewildered awe of anyone|who makes this kind of commitment {26127}{26202}that Angus and Laura have made today. {26213}{26289}I know I couldn't do it and {26291}{26364}I think it's wonderful they can. {26366}{26444}So, back to Angus and those sheep. {26541}{26629}So, ladies and gentlemen,|if you'd raise your glasses. {26617}{26677}The adorable couple. {28267}{28328}I remember the first time|I saw Gareth dancing. {28330}{28409}I feared lives would be lost. {28446}{28523}She's a pretty girl -|the one you can't take your eyes off. {28525}{28591}Is it love at first sight? {28593}{28671}Good Lord, no!|lt's the bloke she's dancing with. {28673}{28792}I played rugby with him at school.|I'm wondering what position he played. {28819}{28890}Though, let's say,|for the sake of argument, {28900}{28973}one did take a fancy|to someone at a wedding. {28975}{29048}Do you think there really|are people who can say {29050}{29141}'Hi, babe. My name's Charles.|This is your lucky night'? {29167}{29245}- Well, if there are, they're not English.|- Quite. {29283}{29366}Three weeks is about|my question-popping minimum. {29390}{29480}You know I love you, Jean, don't you?|I love you. I love you. {29493}{29626}And, Mike, l've never met you before,|but I love you very much. I really do. {29669}{29736}Ignore her. She's drunk. {29738}{29843}At least I hope she is.|Otherwise, l'm in real trouble. {29893}{29959}- How's it going, Lyds?|- Bloody awful. {29961}{30033}Oh, dear! What's the prob? {30035}{30114}I was promised sex. Everybody said it. {30135}{30213}'You be a bridesmaid, you'll get sex.|You'll be fighting them off.' {30215}{30305}But not so much as a tongue in sight. {30320}{30429}Well, I mean, if you fancy anything, {30447}{30533}- I could always...|- Don't be ridiculous, Bernard. {30535}{30616}- I'm not that desperate.|- No, right. Of course. {30624}{30700}Fair enough. It's a good point. {31101}{31131}Bye! {3...
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