00:00:00:You've been very... 00:00:03:- What did you get?|- Blimey!- 00:00:06:Well, I never! 00:00:09:Nothing yet. I'm just, you know, deciding. 00:00:12:- It's nice to see you.|- It's nice to see you. 00:00:16:This present thing is great.|I should've gotten married years ago. 00:00:21:- Anybody get the Pygmy?|- The young man thought about it... 00:00:26:No!e 00:00:27:Just get me an ashtray. 00:00:30:Are you free for about a half-hour? 00:00:33:Yeah. 00:00:35:I'm meeting my brother,|but I can be a bit late. 00:00:39:Oh, good. You have|an important decision to make. 00:00:41:- Now, you mustn't laugh.|- OK. Right. 00:00:52:What do you think? 00:00:57:Divine.C 00:00:59:Bit of a meringue?s 00:01:03:Don't worry. We've only just begun.e 00:01:09:What do you think? 00:01:12:- You're kidding.|- But it would be wonderful.h 00:01:15:Maybe next time.. 00:01:19:What do you think?. 00:01:25:- I knew it.|- With a staff, you could look after sheep. 00:01:29:Don't be rude.i 00:01:32:It's a bit sexy, this. 00:01:35:Well...' 00:01:37:If I were your husband,|I would die of pride.m 00:01:41:You may be right. It is dangerous. 00:01:43:There's nothing worse at a wedding|than a priest with an erection. 00:01:52:It's strange thinking|you'll never sleep with anyone else.h 00:01:55:- You don't think you'll be unfaithful?|- No. Not once l'm married. 00:02:00:I told Hamish l'll kill him if he does,|so l'd better stick to that. 00:02:04:Quite right.a 00:02:05:Anyway, I reckon l've had my fair run at it. 00:02:09:What is a fair run these days,|down your way?t 00:02:13:I don't know.. 00:02:15:More than one. 00:02:18:Well, come on. Tell me.w 00:02:22:I've seen the dress. We have no secrets.p 00:02:29:Well...p 00:02:31:The first one - of course,|not easily forgotten - was kinda nice. 00:02:37:Two... hairy back. 00:02:41:Three, four, five... Six was|on my birthday in my parents' room. 00:02:48:- Which birthday?|- 17th. 00:02:50:- We've only reached 17?|- I grew up in the country. 00:02:53:Lots of rolling around in haystacks.. 00:02:56:OK. Seven...t 00:03:00:Eight, unfortunately, was quite a shock.i 00:03:04:Nine, against a fence.|Very uncomfortable. Don't try it. 00:03:08:I won't.b 00:03:09:10 was gorgeous. Just heaven, just...h 00:03:14:- He was wonderful.|- I hate him.h 00:03:19:1 1 , obviously after 10, disappointing. 00:03:22:1 2 through 17, the university years.|Sensitive, caring, intelligent boys. 00:03:27:Sexually speaking, a real low patch. 00:03:31:18 broke my heart.a 00:03:34:- Years of yearning.|- I'm sorry. 00:03:36:20... Oh, my God!|I can't believe l've reached 20. 00:03:41:21 , elephant tongue. 00:03:45:22 kept falling asleep.|That was my first year in England.e 00:03:49:I do apologise.u 00:03:50:- 23 and 24 together. That was something.|- Seriously? 00:03:54:27... That was a mistake. 00:03:57:- Suddenly at 27 you make a mistake?|- Yes, he kept screaming. 00:04:01:Very off-putting.|I nearly gave up on the whole thing. 00:04:04:But Spencer changed my mind. That's 28. 00:04:07:- His father, 29.|- With his father? 00:04:11:30.n 00:04:13:31 ... Oh, my God. 00:04:16:32 was lovely. 00:04:21:And then my fianc�, that's 33. 00:04:26:Wow!l 00:04:28:So I came after your fianc�?s 00:04:32:No, you were 32.t 00:04:37:So there you go.r 00:04:39:Less than Madonna,|more than Princess Di - I hope. 00:04:43:And how about you?|How many have you slept with? 00:04:46:Christ! Nothing like that many.|I don't know... 00:04:49:I don't know what the fuck|l've been doing with my time. 00:04:52:Work, probably. Yeah, work.|I have been working late a lot. 00:05:04:I wish l'd rung you. 00:05:09:But then you never rang me.s 00:05:12:You ruthlessly slept with me twice|and never rang me. 00:05:21:Bollocks!n 00:05:23:Help me, please! Please!a 00:05:32:You're no longer my brother,|you're just some git I once met. 00:05:36:I'm sorry. 00:05:38:Carrie, this is David, my brother. 00:05:41:This is Carrie. 00:05:44:Hi. 00:05:46:We were buying her a wedding dress. 00:05:49:Pathetic excuse. Who's she marrying? 00:05:53:Some total penis. 00:05:55:What is it about penises|that they get such great wives? 00:06:00:I was just telling him|about you marrying Hamish 00:06:03:and he said it couldn't have happened|to a nicer fellow. 00:06:08:Didn't you do it with her once? 00:06:10:- Where are you doing it?|- Scotland.e 00:06:14:Yes.o 00:06:16:Beautiful breasts.o 00:06:18:He says that's a beautiful place. Hilly.' 00:06:22:You should come to the wedding, too. 00:06:25:I want lots of friends to make up for|the gruesome stiffs that Hamish knows.k 00:06:31:Well, you'd better go in. 00:06:34:Bye.l 00:06:35:- Bye.|- Bye. 00:06:42:Come on - we're late. 00:06:48:Fuck it!a 00:07:02:Look. Sorry. 00:07:06:I just... Well...|This is a really stupid question, 00:07:09:particularly in view|of our shopping excursion, 00:07:12:but I just wondered if by any chance... 00:07:18:Obviously not, because|l've only slept with nine people. 00:07:21:But l... I just wondered... 00:07:24:I really feel...i 00:07:27:In short, to recap|in a slightly clearer version, 00:07:31:in the words of David Cassidy,|while still with the Partridge Family, 00:07:36:I think I love you. And... 00:07:39:I just wondered whether|by any chance you wouldn't like to...n 00:07:47:No. No, of course not. 00:07:52:I'm an idiot. He's not.s 00:07:54:Excellent. Fantastic.u 00:07:56:Lovely to see you.|Sorry to disturb. Better get on. 00:08:00:- Fuck!|- That was very romantic. 00:08:07:Well, I thought it over a lot, you know.|I wanted to get it just right. 00:08:13:Important to have said it, I think. 00:08:15:Said what, exactly? 00:08:20:Said, you know, what I just said|about David Cassidy. 00:08:31:You're lovely.u 00:09:02:One month laterg 00:09:27:It was ordained for lifelong faithful|relationships and conjugal love. 00:09:31:It was ordained|for the welfare of human society,o 00:09:34:which can be strong and happy 00:09:37:only when the marriage bond|is held in honour. 00:09:40:Into this holy estate|these two persons now desire to enter. 00:09:46:Wherefore, if anyone can show|any just causeb 00:09:49:why they may not lawfully|be joined together in marriage,s 00:09:53:Iet him now declare it.o 00:09:59:Sorry. 00:10:01:Please rise.e 00:10:07:Do you, Hamish, take this woman|Caroline to be your wedded wife 00:10:11:and do you, in the presence of God|and before this congregation,O 00:10:15:promise and covenant to be to her|a loving and faithful husband 00:10:20:until God shall separate you by death?a 00:10:23:I do.i 00:10:25:Do you, Caroline, take this man Hamish|to be your wedded husband 00:10:29:and do you, in the presence of God|and before this congregation, 00:10:33:promise and covenant to be to him|a loving and faithful wife 00:10:37:until God shall separate you by death?h 00:10:40:I do.b 00:10:43:Fuck-a-doodle-doo.t 00:11:11:- How awfully nice to meet you.|- Nice to meet you. 00:11:17:Hello.I 00:11:20:You look beautiful.|Not a meringue in sight.s 00:11:23:Thanks. 00:11:31:Blimey!, 00:11:33:It's Brigadoon! lt's bloody Brigadoon! 00:11:47:Dear old things, as you know,|l've always been proud 00:11:51:that there's not a wedding ring|between the lot of us. 00:11:55:Over the passing of the years,|it's beginning to distress me. 00:11:58:I'd like to go to the wedding|of someone I really loved for a change. 00:12:03:Don't blame me.|I've asked practically everyone I know. 00:12:06:- You haven't asked me.|- Haven't l?t 00:12:09:Oh, Scarlett... Would you like to? 00:12:12:No, thank you.|It was very nice of you to ask.o 00:12:15:Well... Any time.s 00:12:17:Quite right, Tom, quite right.|That's the spirit. 00:12:20:Tonight, these are your orders.o 00:12:23:Go forth and conjugate.|Find husbands and wives. 00:12:27:Excellent. What do you think, Fifi?|Spot a potential hubby? 00:12:31:- Bugger off, Tom.|- Quite right.p 00:12:33:A toast before we go into battle.i 00:12:37:True love. 00:12:39:In whatever shape or form it may come.i 00:12:42:May we all in our dotage be proud to say|'l was adored once, too.' 00:12:48:- True love.|- True love!y 00:12:59:Apparently, an enormous|number of people 00:13:02:actually bump into|their future spouses at weddings,l 00:13:06:which is interesting.s 00:13:08:Yes, I met my husband at a wedding. 00:13:19:Good Lord, I seem to have finished|my drink. If you'll excuse me. 00:13:28:Hello. My name's Scarlett.l 00:13:31:Named after Scarlett O'Hara,|but much less trouble. 00:13:34:- What's your name?|- My name's Rhett. 00:13:37:No...o 00:13:39:- Not really?|- No, not really. 00:13:41:- In fact, it's Chester.|- You kidder! 00:13:46:I always imagine Americans|are gonna be dull as shit. 00:13:49:Of course you're not, are you? 00:13:51:Steve Martin's American, isn't he?r 00:13:55:Yes, he is.d 00:13:58:You're lovely.n 00:14:08:Hello, Charles.c 00:14:11:Oh, Hen. Hi.u 00:14:13:Look, I couldn't really bear a scene today.! 00:14:16:I know we've probably|got tons to talk about... 00:14:19:Did I behave that atrociously last time? 00:14:23:Well, you remember|the shower scene in Psycho?n 00:14:26:Scarier. 00:14:29:God, l'm depressed, Hen! How are you? 00:14:31:I'm cheerful. I weigh almost nothing|and l've got a divine new boyfriend. 00:14:39:Perhaps we should've got married.d 00:14:41:No! l'd have had to marry your friends,|and l'm not sure I could take Fiona. 00:14:46:Fiona loves you.u 00:14:48:- Fiona calls me Duckface.|- Well, I never heard that. 00:14:52:Look, darling, come to lunch soon.|Give me a ring. 00:14:55:Still cute.. 00:15:02:How's Duckface? 00:15:04:Good form, actually. Not too mad. 00:15:08:Ladies and gentlemen,|the bride and groom!a 00:15:50:You like this girl, don't you?a 00:15:56:Yes. 00:16:00:Yes, it's...k 00:16:02:It's a strange thing|when at last it happens. 00:16:06:And she's marry...
Cheetor