Edward Wallbanger by feathersmmmm.pdf

Edward Wallbanger by feathersmmmm

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5072648/1/

Summary: Bella moves into a fantastic apartment building in San Francisco.

Guess who lives next door? With walls this thin, the tension is gonna be thick...

Chapter 1-The First Time

"Oh God,"

Thump.

"Oh God,"

Thump. Thump.

What the fuck?

"Oh God, that's so good,"

I swum up out of sleep, confused as I looked around the strange room. Boxes on

the floor. Pictures propped up against the wall.

My new bedroom, in my new apartment.

"Mmmm, yeah baby, right there, just like that...don't stop, don't stop!"

Oh no...

I sat up in bed, rubbed my eyes, and looked at the wall behind me, trying to

figure out what the hell was going on. I was still half asleep.

Earlier that day, my best friends Rose and Alice had moved me into my new

apartment. It was the first time I had ever had my own place, no roommates. I

was ecstatic. I was lucky enough that my boss and mentor Esme had let me

sublet her old apartment, there was no way I could have afforded to live in this

neighborhood in San Francisco. Thank God for rent control.

It was gorgeous. Large spacious rooms, wood floors, arched doorways...it even

had a fireplace! Granted, I had no clue how to actually build a fire, but that was

neither here nor there. I was aching to start placing pieces on the mantelpiece.

As an interior designer, I started mentally placing things in almost every space I

went to. It drove my friends mad at times, as I was constantly restaging their

knick-knacks.

After soaking in the old and incredibly deep claw foot tub until I was past the

prune stage, I packed my tired ass into bed and enjoyed the creaks and squeaks

of a new home. I heard light traffic outside, and the comforting click click of my

cat Clive walking around his new house, exploring. The click click came from his

hangnail you see...

I fell into a peaceful sleep, so pleased with my new home.

Which is why I so surprised when I was woken up so abruptly at...let's

see...2:37am.

As I gazed stupidly at the ceiling, trying to figure out why I was awake, I was

startled as I felt the bed move underneath me. It jumped slightly, and then

jumped again. I grumbled, and moved tiredly into the doorway. After growing up

in Northern California, I was used to tremors. While I had never experienced a

"big one", I was of the better safe than sorry variety, and always followed

earthquake protocol.

"Come on Clive, get over here," I chided, noticing that he was still on the bed. He

looked at me disinterestedly, and then raised his leg to clean his bum.

Huh, strange. Clive always went apeshit whenever there was the slightest tremor,

in fact he was usually the one that let me know something was rumbling. Animals

were the best predictor of earthquakes typically.

I didn't feel anymore tremors, so I yawned hugely and I shuffled back across my

room. I heard another thump and I saw my bed move. The headboard first.

OK, that's weird...

Then I heard, very distinctly,

"Fuck Edward, that's so good! Mmm, yeah baby,"

Aw jeez...

I rolled my eyes, wide awake now and a little fascinated by what was clearly

going on next door. I looked at Clive, he looked at me, and I swear he winked.

I climbed back into bed, and tried to settle back to sleep. I guess someone should

be getting some. I had been in a bit of a dry spell for awhile. A very long while.

Bad jackrabbit sex and an ill timed one night stand had robbed me of my

orgasm...she had been on vacation for 6 months now.

Six

Long

Months.

I had carpel tunnel trying to get myself off, but O was on almost permanent

hiatus. I don't mean Oprah.

I pushed the thoughts of my missing O away from me, and curled up on my side.

All seemed quiet at this point, and so I began to drift back to sleep, Clive purring

contentedly beside me.

Then all hell broke loose.

"Fuck yes! Fuck yes! Oh god...OH GOD!"

My painting of the Cardinal At The Vatican fell off the shelf above my bed and

rapped me soundly on the head...Oh God indeed.

Rubbing my head and cursing enough to make the Cardinal blush, I looked back

at the wall behind me again, and saw that my wrought iron headboard was

literally banging against the wall as the fuckery continued from next door.

"Fuck me baby, yes yes yes!" I heard, and I sighed loudly. Then I heard, for the

love of all that is holy, spanking. You can't misinterpret a good spanking, and

someone was receiving a good one next door.

"Oh God Edward, yes. I've been a bad girl, yes Daddy yes, yes YES!"

Mother of pearl...

More spanking, and then the unmistakable sound of a low male voice, groaning

and then growling.

I got up, moved the entire fucking bed a few inches away from the wall, and

huffed back into bed, glaring at the wall the whole time.

I fell asleep that night swearing that I would bang on that wall if I heard one

more peep. Or fuck. Or spank.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Chapter 2- An Cat Dubh 2.0

The next morning, my first official morning in my new place, found me

contentedly sipping on a cup of coffee and munching on a leftover donut from

yesterday's moving in party. Rose and Alice had come over yesterday to

supervise the moving crew. What that meant was they sat on their asses reading

InStyle while I directed traffic. But they did bring donuts, and for that I was

grateful. I was more than grateful; I was in a sugar coma.

I had finally fallen asleep last night, after the antics from next door had died

down. The girl was spanked, plowed, she came, she slept. The same for Edward.

I assumed his name was Edward, as that was what the girl-who-liked-to-be-

spanked kept called him. And really, if she was making up names there were

hotter names than Edward to be screaming out in the throes.

The throes...God I missed the throes.

"Still nothing, huh O?" I sighed, looking down at my hoohah. During month four

of The Missing O, I stated to talk about her as though she were real, an actual

entity. She felt real when she was rocking my world several months ago, but

sadly now that she had abandoned me, I didn't even know if I would recognize

her if I saw her. 'Tis a sad sad day when a girl doesn't even know her own

orgasm...

I went to rinse out my coffee cup, placing it in the second sink to drain. I pushed

my hair back, and looked around at the chaos that surrounded me. As often as I

had moved since I graduated high school, (every year at Berkley, and the four

years since) I had moving down to a science. Still, it was a fucking mess every

time. No matter how well you planned, no matter how well you labeled those

boxes, no matter how often you told that mother fucking moving guy that if it

said KITCHEN it did not belong in the BATHROOM, it still was a damn mess.

"What do you think Clive, should we start in here or in the living room?" I asked

my cat, who was curled up on one of the deep windowsills. I admit, when I was

scouting for new places to live I always looked at the windowsills. I know how

fond he is of looking out on the world, and I like seeing him waiting for me when

I come home. I was totally Clive's bitch.

Right now he looked at me, and then at the living room.

"OK, living room it is," I said, realizing that I had only spoken 3 times since I had

woken up this morning, and every word uttered had been directed towards a

pussy. Hmm...

I was about 20 minutes into sorting my DVDs back into the TV hutch when I

heard voices in the hallway. Each floor only had 2 apartment, and I was on the

top. There was a good chance it was my noisy neighbors. I ran to the door and

pressed my eye up to the peephole, trying to see if I was right. What a pervert I

was, honestly.

I couldn't see much, but from here I could hear their conversation. I heard the

man's voice, low and soothing, and I could hear her giggling.

"Mmm Edward, last night was fantastic,"

"I thought this morning was fantastic, too," he said, planting what sounded like

one helluva kiss on her.

Huh. They must have been in another room this morning; I didn't hear a thing. I

pressed my eye back to the peephole. Dirty pervert.

"Yes, it was. Call me soon?" she asked, leaning in for another kiss.

"Of course, I will call you next time I am in town," he promised, swatting her on

her bottom as she giggled again and walked away. I couldn't really see her; she

was on the short side though. Bye Bye Spanx.

I couldn't see this Edward; he was back in his apartment before I could get a

good look at him. Interesting, so this girl did not live with him. And I didn't hear

any I Love You's when she left, but they did seem very comfortable with each

other.

They would have to be, what with the spanking and all.

Yes, the spanking indeed.

I pushed thoughts of spanking and Edward from my mind, and went back to my

DVDs. I was alphabetizing, and I was only up to the G's. Goonies came after

Garfields Halloween Spectacular. I loved my retro holiday specials.

Spanking Edward. What a great name for a band...

I was just placing The Wizard of Oz after Willy Wonka when I heard a knock on

the door. I could hear scuffling in the hallway, and as I approached the door I

could hear my two friends.

"Don't fucking drop it you idiot," I heard Rose snap.

"Oh shut up, don't be so damn bossy," Alice snapped back.

I rolled my eyes and opened the door to see them standing there, holding a large

box.

"Ladies settle down, you're both pretty," I laughed, raising an eyebrow at them.

"Ha ha, funny Bella," Alice answered, rolling her eyes and staggering inside.

"What the hell is that? And I can't believe you guys carried that up four flights of

stairs!" I exclaimed. My girls did not do manual labor when they could get

someone else to do it.

"Believe me, we waited outside in the car for anyone to walk by that we could

talk into bringing it in, but no luck. So we schlepped it ourselves. Happy

Housewarming!" Rose said, as they set it down and she fell into the easy chair by

the fireplace.

"Yeah quit moving so much, we are tired of buying you shit," Alice laughed,

laying down on the couch and dramatically placing her arms over her face.

I poked at the box with my toe and asked,

"So what is it? And I never said you had to buy me anything. The Jack LaLane

Juicer was not necessary last year, truly."

"Don't be ungrateful, just open it," Rose instructed, pointing at the box with her

middle finger, which she then turned upright and displayed in my general

direction.

I sighed, and sat down on the floor in front of it. I knew it was from Williams

Sonoma, the tell tale ribbon with the tiny pineapple tied to it. The box was heavy,

whatever it was.

"Jesus, what did you two do?" I asked, catching a wink from Alice to Rose.

I opened the box, and was pleased as punch with what I found.

"You guys, this is too much!"

"We know how much you miss your old one," Alice laughed, smiling at me.

I had been given an old Kitchenaid mixer from a great aunt that had passed away

years ago. It was over 40 years old, and still worked great. Those things were

built to last by God, and it wasn't until a few months ago that it had finally bit it

in a big way. It smoked and went wonky one afternoon while mixing dough for

zucchini bread, and as much as I hated to do it, it was tossed out.

Now I stared into the box, a shiny new stainless steel Kitchenaid mixer staring

back at me, visions of cookies and pies dancing in my head.

"You guys, its beautiful," I breathed, gazing with delight at my new baby. I lifted

it out gently to admire. I ran my hands over it, splaying out my fingers to feel the

smooth lines, and the cold metal pressing against my skin. I moaned gently, and

actually hugged it.

"Do you two want to be alone?" Rose asked, laughing slightly.

"No, its OK, I want you to be here to witness our love. Besides, this is the only

mechanical instrument that will likely bring me any pleasure in the near future.

Thanks guys. It's too expensive, but I really appreciate it," I answered. Clive

came over, sniffed the mixer, and promptly jumped into the empty box.

"Just promise to bring us yummy treats and it is all worth it dear," Alice sighed,

sitting up and looking at me expectantly.

"What?" I asked warily.

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