1 00:00:50,733 --> 00:00:52,969 Good morning, housewives. 2 00:00:53,069 --> 00:00:55,011 And a very special good morning... 3 00:00:55,116 --> 00:00:58,793 to the housewife who lives at number 26 Fairmile Road, Derby. 4 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,964 Yes, it's you, Mrs. Beryl Heseltine. 5 00:01:01,068 --> 00:01:04,101 Your great day, because I've got birthday greetings for you... 6 00:01:04,203 --> 00:01:06,658 from your husband Charles, your son Harry, 7 00:01:06,764 --> 00:01:08,705 not forgetting the girls next door. 8 00:01:08,811 --> 00:01:12,455 And they've chosen for you Kenneth McKellar singing "Song of the Clyde." 9 00:01:12,555 --> 00:01:15,402 And here he is. 10 00:01:15,499 --> 00:01:19,906 I'll sing of a river I'm happy beside 11 00:01:20,009 --> 00:01:24,068 The song that I sing is the song of the Clyde 12 00:01:24,169 --> 00:01:28,228 Of all Scottish rivers it's dearest to me 13 00:01:28,329 --> 00:01:32,387 It flows from the hills all the way to the sea 14 00:01:32,488 --> 00:01:36,546 It borders the orchards of Lanark so fair 15 00:01:36,648 --> 00:01:40,576 Meanders through meadows with sheep grazing there 16 00:01:40,679 --> 00:01:44,738 But from Glasgow to Greenock in towns on each side 17 00:01:44,839 --> 00:01:49,062 The hammer's ding dong is the song of the Clyde 18 00:01:49,158 --> 00:01:53,053 She Likes to sing when she does her housework. That applies to a lot of you, doesn't it? 19 00:01:53,158 --> 00:01:57,468 But, actually, I'm talking to Mrs. Ritchie of flat 43, 20 00:01:57,574 --> 00:01:59,581 Priory House, West Bromwich. 21 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:02,914 Your niece Eileen has written to me asking for your favorite tune... 22 00:02:03,013 --> 00:02:04,835 and it's coming up now. 23 00:02:40,097 --> 00:02:43,196 Now, I've quite a few names. There's Mrs.Joyce Tucket... 24 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:46,363 of74 Clement Attlee Way, Nottingham, 25 00:02:46,465 --> 00:02:49,399 Mrs. Rhoda Elliott of London Road, Slough. 26 00:02:49,505 --> 00:02:52,221 There's Mrs. Rose Chester of Cartmell Drive, Lincoln. 27 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:54,687 And last, but not least, there's Mrs. Betty Bullock. 28 00:02:54,784 --> 00:02:58,842 Now, congratulations for you, Mrs. Bullock, on your 70th birthday. 29 00:02:58,943 --> 00:03:01,212 Sorry I don 't know your address, but wherever you're listening, 30 00:03:01,311 --> 00:03:05,239 I hope you and the neighbors will enjoy hearing "Litoffs Scherzo. " 31 00:03:23,549 --> 00:03:27,411 They've never sent my book. Should have come last week. 32 00:03:27,517 --> 00:03:29,655 They've not played that record of mine yet. 33 00:03:29,756 --> 00:03:32,090 Must be at the bottom of the pile, mine then. 34 00:03:32,188 --> 00:03:35,090 - Them curtains can do with a washin'. - Oh, shut up, Mother. 35 00:03:35,196 --> 00:03:37,018 Where's His bloody Lordship, then? 36 00:03:37,116 --> 00:03:40,377 She wants to go up with a wet dishcloth and ring it over his face. 37 00:03:40,475 --> 00:03:43,344 - He wants a good hiding. - I've shouted him three times. 38 00:03:43,451 --> 00:03:47,858 - That'd shift him. - Every mornin' the same!. 39 00:03:47,963 --> 00:03:50,744 Hey, you up there, come on! Get out of it! 40 00:03:59,225 --> 00:04:01,232 It was a big dayforus. 41 00:04:01,337 --> 00:04:04,086 We had won the war in Ambrosia. 42 00:04:04,185 --> 00:04:08,079 Democracy was back once more in our beloved country. 43 00:04:30,454 --> 00:04:32,756 Talk to him. Go up and kick him out of his idle. 44 00:04:32,853 --> 00:04:36,115 - She lets him do just as he likes. - Talk to him yourself. 45 00:04:36,214 --> 00:04:38,417 Do you hear me? Bloody well get up! 46 00:05:08,434 --> 00:05:11,532 - Eyes left! - Eyes left! 47 00:05:24,304 --> 00:05:28,079 Battalion, by the left, salute! 48 00:05:31,696 --> 00:05:34,827 It is often wondered how the left-handed salutes, 49 00:05:34,928 --> 00:05:37,066 peculiar to our republic, originated. 50 00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:40,614 But this is a tribute to the seven survivors of the Battle of Wakefield, 51 00:05:40,719 --> 00:05:44,264 all of whom, by an amazing coincidence, have lost their right arms. 52 00:05:44,366 --> 00:05:47,465 By the left... salute! 53 00:05:55,757 --> 00:06:00,393 - Billy, your boiled egg's stone cold! 54 00:06:02,124 --> 00:06:05,506 Well, come on, then! It's nearly half past 9:00! 55 00:06:05,612 --> 00:06:07,978 I'll not tell you again. 56 00:06:08,075 --> 00:06:10,180 I 'll right. I'm coming. 57 00:06:15,307 --> 00:06:17,673 Today is a day of big decisions. 58 00:06:19,562 --> 00:06:21,929 I'm going to start writing me novel- 59 00:06:22,026 --> 00:06:24,611 2,000 words every day. 60 00:06:24,714 --> 00:06:27,648 I'm going to start getting up in the morning. 61 00:06:29,193 --> 00:06:31,648 Well, I might as well cut that for a start. 62 00:06:34,601 --> 00:06:36,423 Yes. 63 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,527 Today is a day... 64 00:06:38,633 --> 00:06:40,934 of big decisions. 65 00:06:41,032 --> 00:06:45,439 Don't go makin' fresh tea for hi m. You've got enough to do. 66 00:06:45,544 --> 00:06:48,413 That was a blackie postman just went past the window. 67 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:50,559 They're all darkies now. 68 00:06:50,663 --> 00:06:54,339 There's blackie bus conductors and blackie nurses. 69 00:06:54,439 --> 00:06:57,341 They can't get work, you know, in South Africa. 70 00:06:57,446 --> 00:06:59,934 - Geez! - Go on, ignorant, knock her over. 71 00:07:00,038 --> 00:07:03,999 - The Cabinet change is imminent. - You'll be imminent if you don't start getting up. 72 00:07:04,101 --> 00:07:06,403 - Good morning, Father. - Come on. Get on with it, lad. 73 00:07:06,502 --> 00:07:09,982 - You're half an hour late for work already. - Good morning. How are you? 74 00:07:10,085 --> 00:07:13,216 - She lets him do just as he likes. - I'm your most obedient servant. 75 00:07:13,317 --> 00:07:16,219 You can stop that bloody game. It's you I'm talking to. 76 00:07:16,325 --> 00:07:20,099 What time did you get in last night? More like this morning. 77 00:07:20,196 --> 00:07:22,585 I really couldn't say. About half past 11:00. 78 00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,961 Yeah, more like 1:00 than half past 11:00. 79 00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:28,409 You start coming in at night. I'm not having you gallivanting about all hours. 80 00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:31,362 Who will you have gallivanting about now? 81 00:07:31,459 --> 00:07:35,004 And what were you doing down at Foley Bottoms at 9:00 last night? 82 00:07:35,107 --> 00:07:37,976 - Who said I was down at Foley Bottoms? - Never mind who says. 83 00:07:38,082 --> 00:07:41,116 You were there. And it wasn't that Barbara you were with, either. 84 00:07:41,218 --> 00:07:43,258 He wants to make up his mind who he's going with. 85 00:07:43,361 --> 00:07:45,947 He goes out with too many lasses. He's like a lass himself. 86 00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:49,791 Tell whoever saw me to mind their own business. 87 00:07:49,889 --> 00:07:52,125 'Tis our business, and don't be so cheeky. 88 00:07:52,225 --> 00:07:55,738 And if Barbara's coming for a tea tomorrow, I shall tell her, so don't think I won't. 89 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:59,189 You never played fair with that girl. I'm surprised she bothers with you. 90 00:07:59,296 --> 00:08:01,685 He's not old enough to stay out half the bloody night. 91 00:08:01,792 --> 00:08:04,312 - One. - Every bloody night alike. 92 00:08:04,416 --> 00:08:06,969 - Two. - Start coming in at a proper bloody time. 93 00:08:07,071 --> 00:08:09,886 - Three. - Or do you want to live somewhere else? 94 00:08:09,983 --> 00:08:12,437 - Perhaps I will do. - Hey, what? 95 00:08:12,543 --> 00:08:14,681 I 've been offered a job in London. 96 00:08:14,782 --> 00:08:17,629 Geez, there's been a lot of twins born lately. 97 00:08:17,726 --> 00:08:22,232 I said I have been offered a job in London. 98 00:08:22,334 --> 00:08:25,650 - What bloody job? - How do you mean, you've been offered a job? 99 00:08:25,757 --> 00:08:27,797 A job script writing. 100 00:08:27,901 --> 00:08:30,618 Script writing? He can't write his own bloody name so anyone can read it. 101 00:08:30,717 --> 00:08:32,986 How do you mean, script writing? 102 00:08:33,084 --> 00:08:35,321 I told you. Boon. Danny Boon, the TV comedian. 103 00:08:35,420 --> 00:08:38,137 He's in town today opening the new supermarkets. 104 00:08:38,236 --> 00:08:41,945 I sent him some of me scripts. He's read 'em, and he likes 'em. 105 00:08:42,044 --> 00:08:45,392 Sent me this letter. Look. 106 00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:49,782 He's offered me a job in London script writing. 107 00:08:49,883 --> 00:08:51,955 He likes me material. 108 00:08:52,059 --> 00:08:55,059 What do you mean, he likes your material? 109 00:08:56,122 --> 00:08:58,937 This is Danny Boon, right? 110 00:08:59,034 --> 00:09:02,863 And this pepper pot is me material, right? 111 00:09:02,970 --> 00:09:07,671 Right? Danny Boon sees me flaming material so he flaming well asks me for it! 112 00:09:07,769 --> 00:09:11,085 Hear, hear,...
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