Closer part 19 Closer part XIX Rating: R Beta: toxicbullets. Thank you thank you thank you ^^ Disclaimer: I'm still searching for a little cow keyring to wear alongside my chibi!Ed keying to show my unending devotion to Hiromu Arakawa. The series is hers, the characters are hers. And we love her for it. Summary: 'It is the star to every wandering bark . . .' All previous parts can be found in my memories. Notes: Other things I do not own in this chapter: the poetry. Believe me, no-one wants to read my poetry. *shudder* But! Some of the poems contained are really very good. I mean no insult at all on the poems Ed dislikes, they're fine pieces themselves but I just can't see Ed appreciating them at all. There are also two of my favourite poems in the world referred to here. If you want the credits, just email me and I can send you links. Some of them are *lovely*. Also this is my favourite Ed/Roy song, in the world, evar. It just makes me smile every time. I wandered around and finally found the somebody who Could make me be blue, Could make me be true, And even be glad, just to be sad, Thinking of you . . . Some others I've seen might never be mean, Might never be cross, or try to be boss, but they wouldn't do - For nobody else gave me a thrill, With all your faults I love you still, It had to be you, Wonderful you, It had to be you. - Tony Bennett, It Had To Be You Roy was jerked from sleep by a metal foot in the shin, bruising hard, and raised his head with a start. "What? What?" he said, blinking around, baffled, looking down at Ed. "What?" Ed said something muffled into the pillows, twisted onto his back and muttered, "You're heavy, get off-" and kicked again. Roy slid his legs out of range and propped himself up, staring down at him, still rubbing his shin. "I'm not on," he said, confused, and Ed shook his head. "Get off, Roy, not here-" Roy opened his mouth and then noted Ed's eyes were still closed and fluttering as his head fell to the side. "Are you asleep?" ". . . not here . . ." "You are asleep. You are the most unsettled sleeper I've ever shared a bed with." He rubbed his shin one last time and, eyebrows raised and jaw propped up on his hand, gazed down at Ed. "Not that I've actually shared a bed with many people while at least one of them was asleep." Ed made an incoherent moaning noise and Roy smirked slightly. "Dreaming something good?" Ed shook his head, whispered, ". . . she can see, get off -" "Who can see?" "Roy, she can see, stop it-" "What exactly are you dreaming?" Roy said, lifting the end of Ed's own pony tail to tickle the side of his nose with. "What possible reason could you have for not wanting me to touch you? Whoever 'she' is, Ed, a little voyeurism never killed any-" "Roy, don't, she can see-" Ed choked, kicking again. "Please-" Roy paused at that, because he hadn't actually known that 'please' existed in Ed's vocabulary. "What are you dreaming? What's-" "Don't, she's looking, Roy, don't, please, get off-" He touched the side of Ed's forehead, stroked back through his hair. He lowered his face to Ed's to murmur, "You're dreaming. You're dreaming, love." "Don't, she can see-" "Hush, Ed, I'm not doing anything. I'm just here." Ed shook his head again and whispered, "Not here, there's - so much blood-" Roy felt a hole open up inside. Oh, no . . . "Ed, wake up. Wake up. You're dreaming, wake up." "Don't-!" Roy held his face between his hands, brushing his thumbs over Ed's cheeks, hissing urgently, "Wake up-" Ed came up with a jerk, eyes open and heart hammering, and thrashed in Roy's hands before he took stock of where he was. His eyes searched Roy's for a breathless second and then he whispered, "Oh." "You were dreaming, love." Roy murmured, sliding his arms around him, pressing his face to Ed's hair. He smelt of salt; sweat and panic. Ed clutched at him and swallowed, pulse stuttering against Roy's skin. "Oh." he said again, eyes closing tight against Roy. "What were you-" "No." Ed said urgently, and pulled him closer. "Please, don't, I - know I'm fucked up, I'm sorry, but please don't ask-" "Okay. Okay." Roy smoothed his hair back, kissed the top of his head and finally his face when he raised his head. "You're not 'fucked up', Ed." "Liar," Ed muttered, sinking back against him. "What time is it?" "I have no idea. It's still dark." ". . . sorry." Roy laid them both out again, stretching himself onto the mattress still wrapped around Ed, and murmured into his hair. "I don't mind. Everyone has nightmares. Just go back to sleep." Ed's hands slid around his back, warm and cool, and he said, "Do you?" "Hm?" One of the hands squeezed. "Nightmares, Mustang." "I . . ." Roy raised his head a little. "Not when you're here, apparently." Ed looked up at him, looked too surprised to speak. "Of course, that might just be because I have very little chance to actually sleep while you're here." The surprise turned instantly to anger. "I said I was sorry, bastard-" "Go back to sleep, Ed." "Hope you dream something vile." Ed muttered, flumping his head back against Roy's chest. "Sweet dreams to you too." Roy murmured, drawing a hand slowly through his hair and stroking his shoulder, waiting for Ed's breathing to slow and even out before he let his own eyes droop closed. * Ed woke sometime after dawn from a fairly innocuous dream that he couldn't find his watch and the military headquarters just weren't the way they should have been, were like a maze, and stared at the patch of body he'd been sleeping against for a long time. He sat, slowly, and looked around the room. Just Roy's bedroom. Nothing unusual about it. Everything smelt of Roy, everything was deeper and darker and richer than in the dorms he didn't even think of as 'home'. This should be the safest place he knew . . . Laying down again beside Roy, one eye against the pillow, he looked over his face carefully, for all the information he could glean from it. There was little new to learn, though Ed still liked to look. Roy needed more sleep. He needed a shave. He had a little scar, just a fleck, on his right cheek, like he'd been caught by a chip of gravel a long time ago. He was drop-dead fucking gorgeous and while asleep he couldn't even wear his and don't I just know it? smirk. Ed was growing quite fond of that smirk, actually. If you knew everything about me - would you still think I was . . . ? Ed stared hard, tried to dig out the answer. If you knew exactly what I've done and what a mess I am- He would never tell Roy some of the things he dreamed about. Never. He couldn't tell Al, couldn't tell anyone, it was just wrong. It wasn't his fault. No way in hell he'd dream that if he had any say in it. But it came out of his brain, it was a part of him . . . Something else was bugging him, flickering in the back of his consciousness. He stared into Roy's closed eyes, parted his lips slightly, paused and then mouthed a silent, I love you. Why hadn't Roy believed that? Why did he hear Ed's I love you as something else? It wasn't like it was exactly easy to say, but he did it, all the same. Roy was the only person he knew he'd ever dig the balls up, or find the inclination in the first place, to make himself say it to. He had to say it to Roy, the weight of this baffling, frightening, drug-thick love forced its admission out of him. But if Roy didn't believe the things he said then what was Ed meant to say? Am I doing something wrong? What am I doing? What am I not doing? How am I meant to know how you're meant to make someone believe- How was he meant to make Roy believe he loved him? What could he do, what could he say, that a hundred other people hadn't done or said first? His hands were shaking a little, and he had to close his fists tightly against the mattress. Sometimes it drove him a little crazy, sometimes it terrified him, sometimes he wanted to bite Roy just to leave a mark - there was nowhere he could touch Roy he hadn't been touched before, no way he could touch him he hadn't been touched before, nothing he could let Roy do to him he hadn't done before - He swallowed, raised a hand and touched the side of Roy's head, and thought, You have to be mine. You fucking own me, you can't not be mine- "Why isn't this easy?" he whispered, and Roy didn't move. "All it is is . . . why should this be any more complicated than . . ." He curled his fingers in Roy's hair. "-this, us, this?" He slid closer, wrapped his arms around Roy, leaned his cheek into Roy's hair. He smelt of cigar smoke from last night, low and sweet like wet wood, and the sweat and musk scent of sex. He smelt adult and male and - "Hurry up and wake up, bastard." Ed muttered, hands sliding down his back, pressing his face closer to his hair. "Or I won't have time to molest you before I have to go back to the labs." * Roy draped his arms over Ed's shoulders from behind, while Ed tied his hair back. Ed snarled, holding his braid half-complete, hair tie clenched in his teeth. "Off, Mustang." "I'm always 'Mustang' when you're mad at me." "Off, Mustang." "You see my point?" Roy sighed into Ed's hair. "You don't have to go into the labs today." Ed twisted an elbow and began pushing Roy back, nudging his head off, so he could finish his hair. "I do, actually. But I am coming back tonight, and you will be here." "Will I," Roy murmured. Ed narrowed his eyes. "Yes I will. Apparently." Ed snatched his hair tie out of his mouth and snapped, "You don't have to see me if you don't want-" "Of course I want. I always want. Even when you wake up feeling . . . horny and angry at the same...
Mojaunicorn