Here Comes The Bride Rating: NC-17 for smut, cussing, cross-dressing and Roy's psyche. Disclaimer: You know, oddly, I don't remember this scene being in Fullmetal Alchemist. And I'm pretty sure I would have at least noticed it . . . Summary: Closerverse crack!smut of the highest degree. Everyone remember the wedding!crack that went around a while ago . . . ? The chronology was thus: fatal_voices made a comment on part 2 of Closer . . . which led to Happily Ever After, which led to a discussion about Ed's perfect wedding dress. Which led to dragonimp's piece Cream and Gold. Which you would *think* would be enough, but the bunny wouldn't quite leave me alone. So . . . embarrassing smut. In a wedding dress. Enjoy ^^; Ed looked confused. "Why am I wearing this?" Roy looked him up and down and made an effort at processing what Ed was wearing. He was confused himself. "I think," he said, slowly and carefully, "that one of us is dreaming." Ed swished the skirts of his wedding dress and said, "Well it's fucking not me. I would not dream this. I look like a meringue. I look like a girl." "You look . . ." Ivory, off-white dress. Fitted bodice, which was interesting, because Ed didn't have anything to fill it with but it fitted him like a glove, edged by the dull gleam of pearls and delicate gold stitching. Puffed sleeves, sweetheart neckline, skirts rushing out like champagne spray - even his hair was up, tied with a white and a red rose and a short veil thrown back, and below it the most fantastic scowl Roy had ever seen. "You look . . ." Roy didn't have the breath to finish the sentence. "Wow," he said softly, and Ed's eyebrows lowered further, entire face flushed with fury. Blushing bride, ahah. "You. Slimy. Bastard. You're dreaming this. You dreamed me in a dress." Roy looked him up and down again. The cut of the dress gave him the illusion of a tucked-in waist, but also showed off the breadth of his shoulders and everything of the automail, including the dark scar tissue around the port. Ed was wearing a cream choker, a gold pendant, but there was his adam's apple still, his neck as muscular as ever, his chest still flat - it was a strange effect, but . . . Ed looked down. "You complete pervert," he said. "This is one of those dreams, isn't it?" Roy looked down. From slightly turned on to completely erect in less time than it took to turn a tap off. Yes, this was one of those dreams. "I know this is a dream," Ed said, hands on his hips and ruffling up his skirts, eyes burning under lowered eyebrows, "because if this was real, I would have killed you and stolen your clothes already." They were in Roy's bedroom, standing next to his bed - had they always been there? Ed looked down at the bed and then up at Roy and growled, "I'm lying next to you right now, aren't I? I am perfectly innocently asleep in bed with you while you're dreaming this. I hope when I wake up I belt you." "You won't know I dreamed this," Roy murmured, stepping closer, sliding his hands around Ed's hips - the dress curved, the hips themselves were blocky and hard-boned. "The real you won't." "I hope you talk in your sleep," Ed spat, as Roy felt the strong line of his collarbone with his fingertips, stroked down the central dip and ran a finger down his skin to the very edge of the dress. "I hope I can hear every word and I kill you for this-" "You are being strangely compliant. Why haven't you attacked me already?" "Because you're dreaming me, obviously." Ed snarled, and kissed Roy hard and abrupt. "Come on then, pervert, if we have to do this then we might as well get it over with already-" "Even in my filthiest dreams you remain you." Roy murmured, catching Ed up by the waist and flumping him face-down onto the bed. "It's the only constant I have in this relationship. I can't predict one thing you'll do except that it won't be what I hoped for." Ed climbed to his hands and knees and spat from behind his hair, falling loose and tangled around his face, "Hurry up already then, screw me so I can get out of this damn dress and out of your sick, sick mind-" "So romantic," Roy murmured, scooping up handfuls of off-white material - softer on Ed's colouring than a harsh bright white - and flinging them up. The skirts almost flopped right over Ed's head, but they revealed - "Oh god," Roy said, sitting back on his knees. A warm, gooey smile spread over his face. "Oh god, my subconscious is a genius, Edward, my subconscious is an artist." "Your subconscious," Ed snarled into the pillows, "is a pervert, Mustang, and so are you." Cream silk stockings. And suspenders, stretched taut over well-muscled thighs as Ed knelt forward. Roy had to run his hands over them, realised that his mouth was open, and Ed shifted underneath him. He closed his mouth, swallowed. Garter around the right thigh. He slipped his fingers to it, stroked. "My subconscious is a genius," he confirmed, mostly to himself. "But it's the materials it's working with, really. Look at you . . ." Ed shifted again and mumbled, "I'm wearing panties, aren't I?" Well . . . yes. White ones. It was the first thing he sounded genuinely upset about, as opposed to just angry. "If they offend you so much," Roy murmured, and slipped them down his thighs, under one knee, the other - Ed lifted each with weary obedience - and tossed them unceremoniously off the bed. "There." he said. "Not anymore." "I'm still in a fucking dress." Roy leaned up over his body, sliding his hands up his sides, flickering across his chest through the coarse silk, lifting a hand to slip the veil to the side. "I could make you forget about it," he offered, breathing against the back of Ed's neck, through the fall of his hair. Ed glanced back at him, licked his lips. "Hurry up then, bastard, get it over with-" "I really can't enjoy this if you don't enjoy it, Ed." "You could dream that I enjoyed it," Ed sneered, and then made a growling noise and tilted his head back as Roy bit his neck. "You could dream I screamed your fuckin' name all night, it doesn't make any difference, this is only your stupid perverted-" Roy slid a hand down the front of the dress, cupping Ed through the skirt, and Ed thrust into his hand with a choke. "Have you actually stopped to consider, Edward, why I dreamed you in a wedding dress?" "Because you're - sick?" Roy's other hand cupped the side of Ed's face, his fingers brushing Ed's lips as he turned his face, brought him closer, mouth to mouth. "Because it means we're married." Roy breathed over his mouth, and Ed swallowed his breath and panted back. "Because it means that you are mine and I am yours and we are forever." Roy nudged Ed's cheek with his nose. "And I don't want anything more." It wasn't easy to kiss in this position, but it was possible. Ed made a few muffled noises into his mouth and kept moving himself into the hand Roy had pressed firmly between his legs. "So fucking romantic," Ed snarked breathlessly against his mouth. "Aren't you such a gentleman-?" "Mm," Roy murmured, moving his mouth to Ed's neck, sliding his other hand down to rub Ed's thigh, palm against the suspenders. God. God- "If you wanna get married, I mean, whatever-" Ed gasped, as Roy's hand slid higher up, between and stroking with two fingers. "Ahm- but why'm I the one in the dress?" Roy considered that as he sucked the back of Ed's neck, then lifted his head to say, "It's my dream." "Bastard." Ed spat. "So what're - you wearing?" Roy paused, looked down. His uniform, apparently. But if they'd just got married wouldn't he be in his-? "Dress uniform," he said, beginning to smile. Dreams were fantastic things. He flicked his cap back and spread his legs a little more around Ed, thrusting against him from behind. Ed growled and tipped his head forward, hair swinging forward, and thumped himself back into Roy. "You really are quite demanding for someone so very unhappy about the costumes in this particular fantasy." "Don't care. Stupid dream. Fuck me already." That was an option, certainly, but instead Roy grabbed Ed by the waist and flipped him over, flinging his skirts out of the way as Ed gave a confused, muffled sound - which went up by two octaves as Roy drew Ed in with his tongue and slipped him down. Ed clutched at him, hands clamping onto Roy's shoulders, and while Roy kept one hand busy underneath his mouth, the other slid up to stroke Ed's upper thigh. Ed choked and gasped and swallowed down his cries, thrashing underneath him. Even in a dream this was still . . . God. How many people get to give blowjobs to someone in a wedding dress? Roy raised his head, slipped his fingers through all the wet and raised Ed's hips as he lowered his mouth again, swallowing him in and pressing a finger inside at the same time. Ed yelped at the ceiling and bumped clumsily back onto Roy's finger, scrabbling at him for grip. "Ruh-Roy -! Do- uh-" "Mm?" Hard to communicate much more with his mouth full. "D'you really thuh-think you need - fuckin' lube in a - fuckin' dream?" Roy raised his head, swallowed and licked his lips. "Hm. I suppose not." "So - fucking - fuck me-" Roy licked him once more to hear the shaking whine and climbed up over Ed's body, strong and muscled and hard and wriggling underneath him. "I can deny my new bride nothing." "Die, Mustang." Mouth to mouth, Ed's arms clasping around his neck, wet heat of tongue and lips and the sharp edge of Ed's teeth as Roy's uniform came open so very easily (thank the gods for dreams) and he lifted Ed's hips up, held him poised- Ed stared into his eyes, looked down for a second and up again with pure danger in his eyes a snarling tilt to his clenched teeth. "If you think you can pu...
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