Lions and Pebbles and Penguins.doc

Lions and Pebbles and Penguins, Oh my!

Title: Lions and Pebbles and Penguins, Oh my!
Fandom: Merlin
WARNINGS: animal attack
Word Count:10,306
Beta: obsessed_psyco 
Summary:  Sitting at the top of "Uther's All Time Parenting Backfires" is Arthur's fellow colleague and clumsy best friend - Merlin Emrys. Written for the kink_me prompt of: Arthur and Merlin as penguins, based on this article w/c is basically about 2 male penguins who paired off and raised an egg successfully. original post here
 

Part 1

It is a well known fact that Arthur loves his job. He considers it the second best thing that has ever happened to him, which is ironic since his father considers it the worst thing that Arthur has ever done. On Arthur’s list of “Uther Pendragon’s All Time Parenting Backfires,” his current job as head of the African Animals department at the city’s largest zoo currently ranks as number two.

It is also a well known fact that Uther Pendragon does not like that his son actually works for a living with his hands. He had aspired Arthur to become a businessman, like himself, or if he had to do something outrageously different then he could’ve been a lawyer, but no, Arthur had to become a zookeeper. (At this point, Arthur always politely reminds his father that he has a PhD in Zoology and doesn’t actually run around all day cleaning up animal poop.)

It’s all Uther’s fault anyway. When Arthur was 15 years old, Uther decided it was high time he have a job and learn some financial responsibility. Uther had made it abundantly clear that he wanted Arthur to fully appreciate his privilege and as such got him a summer internship at the nearby zoo. He was hoping that a summer of shoveling shit would make Arthur appreciate the finer things that his father’s wealth could afford.

 

It completely backfired. Yes, Arthur did spend much of his time knee deep in elephant dung, but he also got to bathe the elephants, and he helped feed the lion cubs and he helped nurse an injured giraffe back to health. It was the best summer of his life. And that began Arthur’s love affair with African animals and led to his current job as head of that department.

 

It was also that summer in which Uther managed number 3 on Arthur’s list of “All Time Parenting Backfires.” In an effort to ensure that Arthur would not be ensnared by some debutant while still in his young (pubescent) years, Uther sent Arthur to an all boys boarding school. It was there that Arthur received the education that Uther wanted and one that he was sure Uther had not intended. Arthur had already begun to realize differences in his burgeoning sexuality from that of his friends, and being thrust into close contact with several hundred other boys was a prime opportunity to explore them. Unlike his job, he did not flaunt that in his father’s face, much. He left that to Morgana and her girlfriend Vivian, and when Uther would walk in on them mid-make out he would often storm away muttering about that damn all girls school.

 

Though both his job and his sexuality where very important aspects to Arthur, neither topped the list. Before both number 2 and number 3, Uther had sat Arthur down and lectured him on the importance of mingling with individuals of his own station. He was to make friends with the affluent children and Uther often arranged play dates for Arthur when he was a child. At this point in his life, Arthur is wholly convinced that if he had a wider social circle through childhood and school, then he would not be completely and utterly infatuated with a certain colleague. He would not be mesmerized by the completely graceless oddity that is the head of the Arctic Animals department.

 

Sitting at the top of “Uther’s All Time Parenting Backfires” is Arthur’s fellow colleague and clumsy best friend – Merlin Emrys.

OOO

It isn’t that Arthur is pining over Merlin, not at all, but if Merlin were available and so inclined, Arthur would be the first in line. He already knows they get along well. They spend time together almost every day despite their respective habitats being clear across the park from each other, and Arthur likes to think that Merlin searches him out almost as much as Arthur does Merlin.

Their first meeting had been inauspicious at best. Arthur had mistaken Merlin for one of the summer interns (he had looked way too young and underdressed to be a department head) and had asked Merlin to fetch him some coffee. Arthur had gotten coffee, poured into his desk chair and since then, they’d become fast friends.

It helps that Merlin always has an easy grin pasted to his face and that he is as kind to the visitors as he is to the animals in his domain. Merlin has been known to sleep in the office when one of the animals is sick to ensure they were being taken care of and Merlin is the most requested speaker when it comes to school groups visiting. Arthur has seen Merlin’s long pale fingers complete tasks from the mundane (pat an excited child on the head) to the gross (covered in fish from feeding the penguins), to the selfless (pink tinged, raw, from keeping his hands in the cold water too long to try and fix a habitat to specifications).

It is just Merlin’s nature to be wildly endearing; and selfless to a fault; and utterly guileless; and oblivious to the fact that he is peculiarly gorgeous; and dammnit Arthur is not pining.

So it is with no fluttering in his stomach, or building excitement when, on a Monday morning, Arthur sits at his desk and finds an email from Merlin in his inbox. It is titled “Bad News” and Arthur wonders if Merlin finally figured out that the non fat frozen yogurt in the cafeteria isn’t exactly non fat. He clicks it open.

To: apendragon@zooadmin.com

From: memrys@zooadmin.com

Title: Bad News

Freya and I broke up. Also, I have gay penguins.

Dr. Merlin Emrys
Head of Arctic Animals Dept.
 

Arthur stares at the email for a few seconds, wondering how a break up with his girlfriend and having gay penguins merit mentioning in the same breath. And really, what is so ‘bad news’ about breaking up with Freya? Arthur never liked her much anyway, and it wasn’t because she monopolized all of Merlin’s ‘outside of work’ time, or the way they were unbearably cute together, or how she had insinuated herself so quickly and completely into Merlin’s life, or anything related at all to Arthur and his not-pining.


 

To: memrys@zooadmin.com
From: apendragon@zooadmin.com

Title: Re: Bad News

Sorry to hear about Freya.

And how exactly do you know the penguins are gay? Are they singing show tunes?  Have they suddenly developed an affinity for Barbara Streisand?

Dr. Arthur Pendragon
Head of African Animals Dept.


Arthur smiles at his own wittiness. He is settled into his morning routine, drinking his coffee, looking over reports when he notices another email in his inbox.


To: apendragon@zooadmin.com
From: memrys@zooadmin.com

 

Title: Re: Re: Bad News
It’s ok. It was mutual and I figured it was bound to happen anyway.
And I think it was the rainbow sticker on the outside of their igloo that clued me in.
Prat

 

Dr. Merlin Emrys
Head of Arctic Animals Dept.


To: memrys@zooadmin.com
From: apendragon@zooadmin.com
 

Title: Re: Re: Re: Bad News
 
Well if it was mutual and you figured it was coming anyway….does that warrant the title of Bad News? That seems a bit overdramatic, doesn’t it?
And really, do gay penguins qualify as ‘Bad News’ as well? It may be odd news, yes, but truly bad news would be if your penguins suddenly turned fluorescent green

Dr. Arthur Pendragon
Head of African Animals Dept.


To: apendragon@zooadmin.com
From: memrys@zooadmin.com

Title: News that is Unfortunate and Totally Unrelated News that is Odd

Does my title suit your picky sensibilities now? Anyway, time for rounds.
Meet for lunch? I can tell you all about my homosexual flightless birds and/or my new status as an unattached human male.

Dr. Merlin Emrys
Head of Arctic Animals Dept.

 

To: memrys@zooadmin.com
From: apendragon@zooadmin.com

Title: My Picky Sensibilities?

Lunch at the usual spot.
And really Merlin, human? I thought we both knew better than that.

 

Dr. Arthur Pendragon
Head of African Animals Dept.


Next to lunches with Merlin and the occasional lion cub feeding, or rhino washing, or zebra grooming, rounds are Arthur’s favorite part of the day. He gets to wander around his area of the zoo, ensure all his animals are healthy and active, habitats are maintained and make sure his employees are doing what they’re supposed to be doing. He likens rounds to prowling around like a Big Lion On The Prowl as he gets to growl at people a bit, and inspect the safety of his Pride.

He has to admit that his staff is a pretty good lot and they actually don’t need much growling at to get their jobs done. Lance is in charge of all the maintenance needs and personal care of the animals and he runs a tight ship. He also pines after Gwen from Reptiles and Amphibians like Arthur does not pine after Merlin.

Arthur navigates the maze that is the ‘behind the scenes’ area of his section like he was born there, stopping to talk to Lance who is mending a section of the giraffe fence and pausing to note that the elephant enclosure needs a good shoveling (he’ll get that new intern Mordred to take care of it.) The zebras are munching away, having just been fed, and the hippos are relaxing in a large mud pit. Everything looks good so he heads over to his cats.

Everyone at the zoo has their favorite animals. For Gwen it is a boa named Rosa. She can often be seen talking to school groups and visitors with Rosa draped across her shoulders. Lance loves a young giraffe named Moe whom he helped bring into this world, and sometimes Arthur has to yell at him for slipping Moe too many treats (Moe has gotten quite chubby). Merlin always says he loves all his animals equally but Arthur knows there is an Arctic hare (that everyone calls Merlin Jr for its ears) of which he is particularly fond. For Arthur, it’s Napoleon.

Napoleon is a very big, very crabby, very regal lion. Napoleon is also very old. He turned thirty a few months back which is ancient considering most lions in the wild live to the ripe old age of sixteen. Napoleon came to the zoo from another zoo who didn’t appreciate the magnificence of a large cat sunning himself on a rock for hours on end then eating then going back to his rock for more hours.

Arthur thinks he’s brilliant.

Napoleon is just the type of animal Arthur would be if he were an animal. Well, Napoleon but gay. (Napoleon, despite being lazy as the day is long, has sired a ton of cubs).

Thinking of gay animals has Arthur checking his watch to see if it was ‘lunch with Merlin’ time. It’s near enough so Arthur heads toward the concession stands.

It is a well-known zoo employee fact that the best corn dogs are from the concession stand next to the tropical bird aviary, which is very near Napoleon’s lair. (Arthur has a love/hate relationship with a certain parrot that someone taught to say ‘Arthur is a pretty bird.’) Merlin’s favorite lunch is two corndogs with a side of corndog and chili cheese fries. So Arthur orders ‘Merlin’s usual’ and heads toward their bench.

It is also a well known fact that the best pizza is located right next to the wolf pen, which is on Merlin’s way from the land of the Arctic to their favored bench near the prairie dogs. Arthur’s favorite lunch is pepperoni pizza, breadsticks and a red slushy which Merlin courteously brings from his side of the zoo. (Sometimes they go wild and eat only popcorn and cotton candy but those days never end well.)

Arthur arrives early and settles on his part of the picnic bench, the prairie dogs popping in and out of their holes behind him. He sees Merlin from a long way off, somehow balancing pizza, breadsticks, red slushy and lemonade, while avoiding the children that run too close to his legs. Merlin is wearing nice slacks today and a button down, which means he has a lecture to do that afternoon, which also means the red slushy is in danger. It’s not that Merlin sets out to be clumsy but anything that can happen, usually does. It’s a good thing Gwen keeps a Merlin-sized dress shirt in her locker in the employee break room.

For all of Merlin’s quirks, he really is the truest friend Arthur has ever had. He is intelligent, thoughtful, humorous and oddly good looking, and he is approaching so Arthur averts his gaze so he is not caught staring. It’s hard because Merlin looks sharp in the dress clothes, and lean and pale as ever, his black hair complimenting the blue of his eyes and….

“Hey, Arthur!” Merlin says as he sets down the food without mishap. “How’s Napoleon?”

“Spry as ever,” Arthur responds with a smile.

Merlin grins and Arthur really can’t look away but the grin is different somehow, tighter, not quite reaching his eyes and Arthur wonders if the break up with Freya is affecting him more than he lets on.

“How’s Merlin Jr?”

Merlin rolls his eyes and passes Arthur the (intact!) red slushy. “You know that’s not its real name, right?”

“What is his real name then, Merlin?”

Merlin opens his mouth to respond then stops and snaps it shut. “That’s not the point.”

Arthur can’t help the laugh that bursts out at Merlin’s put upon expression. “You can’t remember, can you?”

“Yes, I can. It’s Clementine or something…anyway, the Arctic hare sometimes known as Merlin Jr is pregnant.”

“Dear God,” Arthur exclaims around mouthful of pepperoni and cheese, “what the hell is going on in the Arctic? You’ve got sex-changing hares and gay penguins! What next, transvestite elephant seals?”

Merlin frowns at his corndog and Arthur is suddenly afraid that he has pushed too far.

“Did you remember the mustard?” Merlin asks, voice flat.

“Yeah,” Arthur digs around in his pocket and produces three packets of mustard, just like Merlin likes. They sit in silence for a moment, Merlin looking off in the distance. Arthur swallows around a lump in his throat that he hopes is pizza. “Sorry, I didn’t mean…”

Merlin waves him off. “It’s nothing. It’s…my department is about to be under a lot of scrutiny about the whole penguin thing and I’m not really looking forward to it. And as much as the Freya situation isn’t supposed to bother me…”

Arthur winces at his less than tactful handing of the matter earlier.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Merlin shrugs and bites into his corndog. “She wanted us to move in together. I told her I wasn’t ready. She got mad and we broke up. She said I wasn’t invested.” Merlin punctuates the ‘invested’ with air quotes that make the corndog in his hand flail wildly threatening both of their shirts with mustard.

“Ouch,” Arthur replies. “So…why weren’t you ready? You’ve been going awhile…”

Merlin looks off into the distance again and Arthur studies his profile, the sharp cheekbones, the line of his jaw, the curve of his ear….

“I think there’s someone else…out there…for me,” he blushes. “I know it sounds stupid but I mean I didn’t want to settle. I liked Freya a lot but it just, wasn’t there. You know?”

Arthur’s voice is hoarse. “Yeah.” He takes a sip of slushy.

They sit in silence for a while, enjoying the bustle of the zoo around them and eat their lunches. It isn’t until Merlin steals a piece of pepperoni and pops it in his mouth, his jaw working as he chews, that Arthur speaks again.

“So…” he draws out the word, “gay penguins.”

Merlin laughs and it is carefree and loud and draws attention, but Arthur is just glad to hear it.

“Yeah,” he confirms, “gay penguins.”

“Alright, start talking,” Arthur says. “Start with which ones they are and how you know they are of the homosexual persuasion.”

Merlin smiles and it is happy and wide, eyes crinkling. “It’s two Adelie penguins, Milo and Augustus. They…well…they have rejected all female advances. We even shoved Sophia at them!” Merlin waves his hands around excitedly and Arthur bites his tongue despite really wanting to ask if Sophia is the equivalent of a penguin slut, because he likes watching Merlin when he gets passionate about a subject. His hands flap a bit and his eyes brighten and the chords in his long, graceful neck stand out and...

“And they spend all their time together,” Merlin continues, derailing Arthur's train of thought while the blush that had faded rises again in Merlin's cheeks and the tips of his ears. “And they bring food to each other.”

“Oh!” Arthur says, handing over the chili cheese fries, “forgot to give you these.”

Merlin takes them, considers them thoughtfully and the red deepens staining his pale skin the color of wine down his neck and up into his hairline. Arthur stares mesmerized before shaking himself and stealing a fry.

“Anything else?” Arthur asks.

Merlin shakes his head. “Not so far.”

“Well, that’s not so bad. They’re friends.” Arthur nudges Merlin hard in the shoulder causing cheese to drip on his shirt. “Like us!”

Merlin’s smile weakens then drops from his face altogether.  “Friends. Like us,” he repeats.

Part 2

To: gsmithson@zooadmin.com
From: apendragon@zooadmin.com

Title: Merlin

….has cheese on his shirt.

Dr. Arthur Pendragon
Head of African Animals Dept.

To: apendragon@zooadmin.com
From: gsmithson@zooadmin.com

Title: Re: Merlin

On it.

Gwen Smithson
Reptiles and Amphibians Assistant


To: apendragon@zooadmin.com
From: gsmithson@zooadmin.com

Title: Re: Re: Merlin

Fixed! Took him a clean shirt.
Was Merlin alright at lunch? I just talked to him and he seemed upset.

Gwen Smithson
Reptiles and Amphibians Assistant


 

To: gsmithson@zooadmin.com
From: apendragon@zooadmin.com

Title: Re: Re: Re: Merlin

Oh. It’s probably because he and Freya broke up last night.
And he has gay penguins.

Dr. Arthur Pendragon
Head of African Animals Dept


 

To: apendragon@zooadmin.com
From: gsmithson@zooadmin.com

Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Merlin

No. That’s not it. I talked to him this morning and he was fine.
He didn’t tell me about the gay penguins though.
Rosa says ‘hi.'
 

Gwen Smithson
Reptiles and Amphibians Assistant


To: gsmithson@zooadmin.com
From: apendragon@zooadmin.com

Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Merlin

 

Huh. Don’t worry, Gwen. I’ll cheer him up.
And Napoleon says ‘roar.’

Dr. Arthur Pendragon
Head of African Animals Dept.


To: memrys@zooadmin.com
From: apendragon@zooadmin.com

Title: Cheer up Emu!

Look. Milo and Augustus aren’t the first!

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/unleashed/2009/04/penguins.html

See? Gay penguins aren’t even that original.
 

You’re just following a trend.
 

You’re penguins are cuter though.

 Dr. Arthur Pendragon
Head of African Animals Dept.

To: apendragon@zooadmin.com
From: memrys@zooadmin.com

Title: Happy as a Clam

Good to know where your loyalties lie, Arthur. I’ll let Milo and Augustus know they’ve won the gay penguin beauty pageant. They’ll be expecting tiaras.
Also, thanks for sending Gwen after me. Due to your diligence about the cleanliness of my shirts, the lecture went great.
You’re a good friend.

Dr. Merlin Emrys
Head of Arctic Animals Dept.


To: gsmithson@zooadmin.com
From: apendragon@zooadmin.com

Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Merlin

Mission accomplished.

Dr. Arthur Pendragon
Head of African Animals Dept.

OOO

Weeks pass without event. Merlin sends Arthur updates each day about his penguins (yep, still gay and now building a nest!) and they have their lunches together when their schedules allow. Lance still pines after Gwen and Gwen still walks around the park with a boa draped on her person and blushes when Lance talks to her. Arthur still is not pining but it is harder to keep it all in because Merlin is right there and unattached and Arthur wants nothing more than to grab him and clasp him tight and kiss him senseless. All in all it is a pretty normal few weeks at the zoo. Until two things happen at once.

Arthur comes in late, plops into his desk and curses the day automobiles were ever invented. If it weren’t for automobiles, there wouldn’t be traffic and if there was not traffic, there would not be a reason for Arthur to sit stationary for an hour on his way into work. It is flawed logic, he knows, but at this point, he doesn’t really care.

He checks his email and sees he has a new message from Merlin. It is titled: News of an Unimportant Nature so despite how much he wants to read it, he ignores it because he is so very late. He also knows that Merlin is on his rounds and any reply Arthur has will not be received until the later afternoon.

He breezes through the reports only stopping when he notices that Napoleon did not eat the day prior. It’s not an entirely rare occurrence, sometimes animals don’t eat for whatever reason, but it is Napoleon and he’s old and his routine is like clockwork so it makes Arthur pause. It throws him off for a moment and he goes through the previous days to make sure he hasn’t missed a similar event. Nothing is noted so the uneasy feeling is quelled for a moment and Arthur moves on. Once finished, he checks his watch and decides he has a quick minute to read Merlin’s email.

To: apendragon@zooadmin.com
From: memrys@zooadmin.com

Title: News of an Unimportant Nature

Freya called. She wants to try and work things out. I need to talk. Meet for lunch?

Dr. Merlin Emrys
Head of Arctic Animals Dept.

Arthur tries valiantly to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest and the constriction of his throat. He checks his watch again and makes a distraught noise.

He runs.

Merlin is waiting for him. He has a red slushy in one hand and a blue in the other. He is biting on the tip of his straw, brow furrowed in concentration while he stares off. Merlin is wearing khaki shorts, tattered converse and the zoo issued green polo shirt with the...