WARNING: IGNORE WARNING!
Pamiętacie, do czego służyły sepulki w "Dziennikach Gwiazdowych" Lema? Do sepulkowania! Wyglądem przypominały trochę murkwie i pćmy łagodne. Podobne objaśnienia - choć pisane na serio - możemy znaleźć często przeglądając instrukcje obsługi czy informacje o produktach. Niektóre z nich trudnością przebijają "sepulki", inne zaś porażają swą oczywistością.
It's quite probable that you have had problems operating electrical equipment. Some people don't know what to do when a CD won't play or a video-recorder refuses to be programmed. In cases where a problem is too trivial to call in a specialist, but the equipment won't work, we have to turn to the manual of instructions for suggestions or warnings and where we hope we will find the answer to our problem. What we often find is a laugh.
I was particularly upset when my video-recorder broke down recently. A new episode of my favourite series "Columbo" was to begin in an hour, but I had to leave my flat. Unfortunately the video recorder had decided to stop working. I checked that the control light was on, the cassette was inside, and the aerial was plugged in. Everything was A. OK. but the problem remained. So I picked up the VCR Book of Wisdom, diagnosed the symptoms, just one - it did not work - and read the suggestions. They said: "Check the plug" and "Batteries in remote control may be flat". I gave up any self-repairs based on these vague instructions and I couldn't help laughing at their complete uselessness.
Many instructions or warnings are very obvious because from experience or even pure animal instinct we know that it is dangerous to tamper with a piece of electrical equipment. A warning on my Rowenta iron says that clothes should not be ironed on the body! Personally, I cannot imagine anyone pressing an iron against their body to iron a trouser leg or the front of a shirt. Should anyone be so stupid and do this relief may come in the form of Sainsbury Mineral Water, which is suitable for vegetarians. I didn't know there was mineral water unsuitable for vegetarians but if there is it must contain bacteria - that is, meat - inside the bottle. That may be difficult to check as it is not always easy to open a bottle. Inventive and far-sighted producers of bottled drinks have come to the rescue with instructions such as "Twist to open" or in the case of Guinness, when looking at the bottom of the bottle, "Open other End".
Sometimes words, not their intentions, are strange. Aspirin Free, Pain-Relief advises contacting a doctor in case of an accidental overdose. Unfortunately there are no instructions if the overdose is not accidental but it seems that contacting a doctor is not one. Even if the wording is correct the context confuses the message. It is beyond doubt necessary to inform the user that certain kinds of medicine may affect their ability to drive a car or operate heavy machinery. 'Demazin Drops' or 'Boots Cough Medicine' placed such a warning on their labels. The funny thing is that these medicines are made for infants and children who don't drive Fords or operate pneumatic drills. There are other manufacturers however who are very cautious. Not so long ago you could read on a 'Johnsons Baby Oil' bottle a suggestion that it would be better to "keep out of reach of children".
Most of these sometimes rather strange suggestions and instructions are there to cover the manufacturer against any possible lawsuits. It must be stated on a box of matches that its contents may catch fire, though this is the purpose of matches. There may be somebody unaware of what matches are for and the result will be that he or she might just burn down their house for example. The fire could then be blamed on the manufacturer who hadn't warned the user of the matches of the possibility of fire! Here's another one. To be on the safe side, Bayer Aspirin warns users not to take aspirin if they are allergic to aspirin. I couldn't agree more. There are extremes. After reading the warning on Carefree Gum - saying that it "contains Saccharin which has been determined to cause cancer in laboratory animal", you don't feel like chewing the stuff any more.
Someone buying a product may be disappointed with it so a warning has to be written somewhere that ``the buyer may be disappointed with the product``. But it's often the case of the buyer being gullible when buying. And children are usually taken in more easily than adults. (Though sometimes adults are as credulous as their offsprings). Children who watch "Batman" could believe that they will be able ... to fly if their mum or dad buy them a Batman Costume. (Some adults somewhere might believe it as well). The producer of the costume unfortunately disappoints them because s/he has written: "this cape does not enable the user to fly". McDonalds warns that a bag of Power Rangers is not a toy. Adults could easily be fooled by that advertisement. To avoid questions in shops an ice cream commercial ended in small letters, "Bowl and spoon not included".
What about warnings which are not very well thought out? They exist. Tesco Fruit Juice cartons inform the buyer that the container should be kept upright. The point is that these instructions are found ... on the bottom of the carton. A customer must turn the carton upside down to find that he or she must not turn the carton upside down! Nytol Sleep Aid states it may cause drowsiness. A sleeping aid has to cause drowsiness. The reason for removing the label before placing 'White Star Champagne' into a microwave oven will remain a mystery forever. In any case putting a bottle of sparkling white wine called 'White Star' into a microwave oven would be a very stupid thing to do!
The worst thing is that people do need warnings or instructions that seem to be obvious. I know a woman who manipulated a computer mouse with her foot, just like the pedal of a sewing machine. People have hurt themselves when a Champagne cork hit their eye. And yes, it was a pity that the instructions - so simple they were on the verge of being absurd - were not attached to voting cards in Florida. People had problems with these voting cards and an unknown, though significant number of people voted for Buchanan instead of Gore, which led to a political mini-crisis. Perhaps after all instructions and warnings are not so dumb? Perhaps it's the great general public, you and I, who are silly.
Taken from Anglorama 3/2001
WARNING: IGNORE WARNING – scenariusz lekcji do powyższego artykułu
ANGLORAMA’S Instant Lesson Teacher’s Copy prepared by Katarzyna Ratajczak for Anglorama.
Scenariusz lekcji w oparciu o artykuł Warning: Ignore Warning! z magazynu Anglorama.
Optional
1. Before the lesson students are asked to bring some instructions or warnings from electrical equipment, medicines, food, toys, etc.
2. Students are presented these sentences:
· “Keep out of reach of children”
· “Batteries may be flat”
· “Check the plug”
· “Twist to open”
Students are asked:“Where do you think these sentences are taken from?”; “Who writes them?”
Pre-reading activities:
I Warm-up
1. Short discussion:
· Have you ever had your electrical equipment broken? What happened? What did you do? (Students also can talk about their parents, siblings, friends)
· Did you read the instruction to help you with your problem? Did it help? What was the outcome?
· Do you read warnings placed on medicines before using them? Why? Why not?
· Have you ever taken your medicine wrong because you hadn’t read an instruction or a warning before? What happened?
· Have you ever read an instruction or a warning which made you laugh? Tell the group about it.
Reading activities:
II Reading exercise
1. Use the whole article, from the Anglorama magazine.
2. Give the students the whole text to read it quickly and ask them a general question such as “What do you think is the most absurd / funniest example?”
3. Students exchange their opinions; short discussion.
III Vocabulary exercise
1. Ss work in pairs.
2. Students are given more time to read the text again.
3. Students are asked to find 9 suitable words matching definitions:
· A device used for controlling something from a distance (par 2.) /remote control/
· Not clear or definite (par 2.) /vague/
· To use or touch something when you should not (par 3.) /to tamper with/
· To say exactly and officially what must be done (par 3.) /stipulate/
· An amount of a drug / medicine that is too large and so is not safe (par 4.) /overdose/
· To influence or cause somebody / something to change in a particular way (par 4.) /affect/
· A person easily tricked or deceived (par 6.) /gullible/
· A state or feeling very sleepy (par 7.) /drowsiness/
· Fasten or joined to something (par 8.) /attached to/
4. Students exchange their answers, T provides correct pronunciation.
IV Comprehension: /Pair work; Students answer the T/F questions based on the article/
1. The author of the article found the instruction on his video recorder funny but unhelpful. /T/
2. According to the article, when somebody overdoses Aspirin Free Pain-Relief not accidentally had he shouldn’t contact the doctor. /F/
3. The matches manufacturers had to state on a box of matches a warning because people often blamed them for burning down their houses. /F/
4. Parents buying a Batman Costume are informed by the manufacturer that their children won’t fly. /T/
5. Tesco Fruit Juice cartons inform the buyer that container should be kept upright in a sensible way. /F/
Students exchange their answers.
Post-reading activity – Speaking
V Optional
A) (Providing students brought the materials the T had asked before the lesson)
1. Students should work in groups.
2. Using the materials (instructions, warnings) Ss brought to the lesson, they are asked to find some funny / absurd examples and present them to other Ss in their group.
B) (Without using the materials)
1. Ss work in groups.
2. Each group is given two or three different warnings or instructions taken from the Anglorama article.
Examples:
· From VCR: “Check the plug”; Batteries in remote control may be flat”
· From Rowenta iron: “Clothes should not be ironed on the body”
· From Sainsbury Mineral Water: “this water is suitable for vegetarians"
· From bottled drinks: “Twist to open”; “Open other end”
· From Pain-Relief pills: “contact the doctor in case of an accidental overdose”
· From box of matches: “the content may catch the fire”
· From a bottle of Champagne: “remove the label before placing Champagne into a microwave oven”
3. Students are asked: “Explain why these warnings or instructions are funny or absurd?”
Ss prepare their explanations in groups and then present their answers to the whole class.
VI The teacher gives each group questions:
1. Why do you think the manufacturers write such funny / absurd warnings and instructions?
2. Are they necessary / helpful?
3. If you were a manufacturer what would you change?
Students prepare their answers in groups, the a “speaker” presents the group’s opinion.
Free Practice Activity – Writing
The students are asked to write two short funny or absurd instructions or warnings. /Can be done in class or as a homework/
Student’s Copy contains sections III and IV from Reading Activities.
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