General Training Writing Examples _ Commentaries.pdf

Example Writing Answers for the ieltshelpnow.com General Training

Practice Tests

Below you will ind example writing answers for all the writing questions in the ieltshelpnow.com

General Training Practice Tests. Some of these example essays were written by IELTS students

and some were written by an IELTS examiner in order to give an example of a good answer.

Please refer to the question papers while you are reading these answers so that you understand

the question that is being answered. After each of the example answers, an IELTS examiner has

written a short commentary analysing the good and bad points of the answer. We hope this will give

you an insight into how the writing answers should be written for IELTS General Training module.

General Training Writing Practice Test 1

Task 1

Dear Sir,

I am writing in connection with a bag that I left on one of your planes. Last week on Tuesday

4 th May I came to London on light ABC from New York. My seat number was R5. The plane

arrived late at night and I was tired. As a result when I got home, I remembered that I had

left my bag on the plane under the seat in front of me.

My bag is small and made of black leather with a zip opening the top. Inside the bag there is a

pen, a paperback I was reading, some car keys and my diary.

Therefore would your lost property department please check and see if they have my bag and

contact me as soon as possible to let me know whether they have found it or not?

You can contact me on my mobile telephone number which is: 01753 853 736.

Thanking you in advance for your help, I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours sincerely,

John Smith

(171 words) Estimated IELTS Writing Band 9

IELTS Examiner Commentary

The letter was written by an IELTS examiner to give an example of a good answer. Please

remember that there are other ways of approaching this question that are just as good.

The General Training Task 1 Writing is marked in 3 areas. Let’s look at these.

Task Fulilment This mark grades you on basically whether you have answered the question

or not. A common mistake is to miss out in your letter one of things that it asks you to do. Has

the letter above answered the question? It explained what happened. It described the bag and

its contents. It says what the writer wants them to do. That is not all. The question asks you to

write a letter. To answer the question the letter should be set in the appropriate way with a semi-

formal opening and an ending that is appropriate to this type of letter. It uses correct language with

the right degree of formality. Good paragraphing splits up the letter in easy-to-read chunks. The

letter also provides information (such as the telephone number and light details) that would be

appropriate in a letter of this type. The letter is 171 words long so easily fulils the 150 word limit.

So inally, by doing all the above the letter would fulil its function. The person receiving it would

do what was wanted. Because of all the above reasons, this letter would get a very good Task

Fulilment band.

Cohesion and Coherence These two are interrelated which is why they are done together.

Cohesion is how your writing its together. Does your writing with its ideas and content low

logically? Coherence is how you are making yourself understood and whether the reader of your

writing understands what you are saying. The above letter has excellent cohesion. The structure

helps this. The irst paragraph introduces the subject, sets the scene and provides the basic

information. The second paragraph describes the bag that is talked about in the irst paragraph.

The third paragraph explains what the writer wants to happen. Finally there is an appropriate

ending. This logical progression of ideas in the structure of the three paragraphs gives the letter

good cohesion and coherence. The choice of words also never causes any cohesion problems. For

an example of bad cohesion, see the Free Help Tutorial for the General Training Task 1 Writing.

Coherence is also very good in the letter. The letter makes the problem and what needs to be done

quite plain. The reader never has a problem understanding what is said.

Vocabulary and Sentence Structure With Vocabulary the examiner looks at the range of words

used and whether they are used in the right place and at the right time. With Sentence Structure,

the examiner looks at the grammar. The Vocabulary of the letter is good though this Task 1

requires nothing complicated. All the words chosen are correctly and appropriately used with the

correct degree of formality. The spelling is all correct. The Sentence Structure again is ine. The

past tenses are used correctly to describe past events and the present tenses for description,

all agreeing correctly. The singulars and plurals are all correctly used and everything is correctly

punctuated including a list.

So, in conclusion, this letter fulils all the things that an examiner looks for in a good answer in a

letter for the General Training Task 1 Writing.

Task 2

It is true that children today spend far more time indoors than in previous generations. I

would say that this has both a positive and negative side.

Children today seem to spend far too long inside with computer games, watching TV and

videos. This is deinitely bad in some ways because children should develop outdoor pursuits

such as football, cricket and basketball that would make them healthy now and in their later

lives. If they don‛t learn to play sports when they‛re young, it is unlikely that they will develop

these healthy habits later in life and the results can be seen today in the higher levels of

obesity and related illnesses such as diabetes. When I was young I had only sports to keep me

occupied and I am grateful now that I still love and play the sports of my youth.

On the other hand the world today is dominated by computers and electronics so it‛s

important that children learn to like and understand computers and technology early in life.

The older generation didn‛t have the opportunity to have this electronic entertainment and so

don‛t understand the attraction.

In conclusion I would certainly agree that it is bad and unhealthy for children to spend all

their time indoors with electronic entertainment. I don‛t think all children are too dependent

on electronic entertainment but too many deinitely are. We cannot expect though that

children will totally ignore today‛s technologies and it is important that they grow up with

awareness and understanding of these things that will dominate their later lives. I believe

it is up to parents to guide and encourage a reasonable mixture of both indoor and outdoor

pursuits.

(281 words) Estimated IELTS Writing Band 9

IELTS Examiner Commentary

This essay was written by an IELTS examiner to give an example of a good answer. Please

remember that there are other ways of approaching this question that are just as good.

The General Training Task 2 Writing is marked in 3 areas. Let’s look at these.

Arguments, Ideas and Evidence This band grades the essay on its content, how it structures

its ideas and backs up the ideas with examples. When you look at the above essay, you are irst

struck by how it is set out with paragraphs. Firstly there is a short introduction. Then there are 2

paragraphs that provide the ideas on both sides of the question of the essay. Finally there is a

conclusion where the question is answered by the writer with his point of view. The writer examines

both sides of the argument and shows that it is not an issue that is black or white. Example are

given to backup his ideas – examples of sports, illnesses, the writer’s own childhood. The minimum

word limit of 250 words has also been passed so that is not a problem. All these things would lead

to a good band for Arguments, Ideas and Evidence.

Communicative Quality This mark grades the candidate on how easily the reader understands

the essay. This depends on accuracy in structure, grammar, punctuation and vocabulary as bad

grammar, punctuation and vocabulary will cause a breakdown in communication. Other things

affecting communication would be linking words, prepositions and agreements. The paragraphing

is the irst thing that helps the communicative quality. As said above the paragraphing is very good.

It splits the essay up into easy-to-read chunks and separates the ideas of the essay into these

chunks. The grammar, punctuation and vocabulary are all very good and all the linking words,

prepositions and agreements are all correctly used. The Communicative Quality in this essay

therefore is very good.

Vocabulary and Sentence Structure With Vocabulary the examiner looks at the range of

words used and whether they are used in the right place and at the right time. With Sentence

Structure, the examiner looks at the grammar. As pointed out in the section above, the Vocabulary

and Sentence Structure are very good. All word usage is correctly used and spelt correctly. The

grammar is all error free and the punctuation is good. The Vocabulary and Sentence Structure band

would be very good.

General Training Writing Practice Test 2

Task 1

Dear Sir,

I write to inquire about staying to your hotel with me family. Me family is consists of me wife,

me two sons and me. We arrive on 14 August and want stay til 21 August – Therefore we will

stay 6 nights. Me wife and me would like to take double room with view of sea and my sons

will take room at back of the hotel. I would like to stay to the hotel with bed and breakfast.

Please would you contact to me as soon as possible with the details of prices for this thing?

We not know the location where your hotel is very well so could you please write to us also in

your letter give us some activities that my family like. Me two sons are 13 and 11 years old.

Thank you for your help, I look forward to hear from you.

Yours sincerly,

Alex Luchi

(151 words) Estimated IELTS Writing Band 7

IELTS Examiner Commentary

This letter was written by a Romanian IELTS student in the middle of an IELTS practice course.

The General Training Task 1 Writing is marked in 3 areas. Let’s look at these.

Task Fulilment This mark grades you on basically whether you have answered the question or

not. A common mistake is to miss out in your letter one of the things that it asks you to do. Has

the above letter answered the question? The question asks the candidate to write a letter, give the

arrival and departure details, request the type of rooms and price for the weekend and ask about

activities and places of interest. There are obviously language errors but nearly all these areas

have been covered. The letter asks about activities but not places of interest but this is fairly minor.

The letter is of 151 words so it fulils the length requirement too. Also the letter is set out in a good

way with an appropriate opening and ending. It has good paragraphing which splits up the letter

into good easy-to-read chunks. So, this letter will get a fairly good task fulilment band.

Cohesion and Coherence These two are interrelated which is why they are done together.

Cohesion is how the writing its together. Does the writing with its ideas and content low logically?

Coherence is how you are making yourself understood and whether the reader of your writing

understands what you are saying. The above letter has reasonable cohesion. The low of ideas

through the letter is fairly logical but occasionally awkward ( therefore is used correctly but a native

speaker would have avoided its use). The faulty grammar takes away a bit from its coherence but it

is an understandable letter and it would have the desired effect.

Vocabulary and Sentence Structure With Vocabulary the examiner looks at the range of words

used and whether they are used in the right place and at the right time. With Sentence Structure,

the examiner looks at the grammar. The vocabulary of this letter is mainly correct with the

occasional awkward choice ( take double room; contact to me ). Spelling is fairly good with only

occasional errors ( sincerly; til ). The Sentence Structure is the weakest part of the letter. There are

numerous mistakes. Some verb tenses and patterns are faulty ( write; is consists; want stay; to

hear from; we not know ) though other verbs are correct with correct use of would like . The writer

also uses me instead of my and uses to the hotel instead of at the hotel twice. The grammar

errors do not really affect communication in the letter though.

In conclusion, although the letter is at times a bit awkward, it is well set out, covers the main points,

is fairly accurate and would fulil its purpose.

Task 2

We have been known for some time now that smoking is a killer. I completely agree that all

countries should make the rules that outlaws smoking in all the public areas.

That is a dificult subject though. Many of the smokers believe that they have the right to

smoke where they will and that non-smokers can just go away from them. They have a point to

some point but tobacco smoke is not the perfume. The smell get into your hairs, clothes and

eyes and of course the smoke get into your lungs which make you feel bad the next day and

can cause the illnesses over a long time. There are just too many things bad to let the people

have the right to smoke anywhere.

It is of course only an optimist theory. It is not probable that all countries in the earth will

disallow smoking in all of the public areas although Ireland has just done so and many part

of US does. It is a good goal to try to do though. The more that it is prohibited then, slowly,

the more people will realise how they kill them. People who would normally die would live and

huge amounts of money will save on treating smoking diseases such as the cancer and the

heart disease. If this lead to the fall of companies with losses of jobs and money for company

owners then I can only say good. Governments will lose duties but I am sure that governments

will think up other ways of making more duties!

So I completely believe in the statement that all countries should prohibit smoking in public

places.

(277 words) Estimated IELTS Writing Band 7

IELTS Examiner Commentary

This essay was written by a German IELTS student studying in the UK.

The General Training Task 2 Writing is marked in 3 areas. Let’s look at these.

Arguments, Ideas and Evidence This band grades the essay on its content, how it structures

its ideas and backs up the ideas with examples. The above essay wholly addresses itself to the

question and there is no irrelevance. From the irst introductory paragraph the writer makes his

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