Dear Khun Munthana: I have worked at a big firm for 12 years, ever since graduating with a bachelor's degree from a private university. I moved to a product development department, where I have spent four years now, after obtaining my MBA from a public university. This department has the responsibility of business planning for products. In the department there is a sector head. Under his supervision are three centre heads. I work under one of these three chiefs. Most employees are over 40.
I am quite happy with the work conditions here because the job function is clear and the responsibilities of staff members are quite distinct. Even though each person in the department has different personality traits and profiles (eg education, social class and family), they get along very well.
One of my colleagues, a married man, does his job well enough but is something of a gossip and a loudmouth. He frequently talks loudly in the office about trivial matters and is especially insulting to women in the context of sexual relationships. Moreover, he likes to get physically close to young women in the department whenever he can, even if the women are married. I have been a target of his. He always looks at me in a sexually suggestive way.
Fortunately, I am not in the same centre as him and our work requires no involvement with each other. However, his behaviour is now becoming a real annoyance because his centre head recently moved to another sector and he was promoted to the vacant position. His promotion to centre head has made him more self-confident and even more inclined to chatter and harass women at work.
Even worse, as a result of his promotion I sometimes have to coordinate with him. I feel very uncomfortable even talking to the man. My difficulty is that I can't consult anyone in my centre, not even my immediate boss because she has had problems with the man before and was rudely treated by him. She won't even look at him now!
I would like to take this matter to my sector head but I am disinclined to broach the subject with him because he clearly doesn't want problems with anyone _ he will retire in the next two years. Importantly, my sector head and the man in question are also best friends, and I'm afraid of damaging my job if I make an issue of the situation.
Once this newly-promoted colleague grasped my hand in the lift when nobody else was there. After that I didn't want to get close to him or have contact in any way. I feel uncomfortable at work now but I do love my job. Please tell me what I should do in this situation. Should I put up with it and stay or look for a move to another unit or company? Please help.
Best Regards,Yaowaluk
Dear Khun Yaowaluk: I truly understand your dilemma and believe me, your situation is not unique _ unfortunately there are still many professional men (usually educated and often married) in this country who harbour archaic attitudes to female colleagues and think them fair game for their philandering ways. So let call this guy "Mr Philanderer". If he were to behave as he does in the US he would soon be fired and taken to court. However, this is Thailand and if you feel you have no superior to help you then you have no alternative but to stand up for your own dignity (and perhaps that of your female colleagues).
My advice is this: First, you should meet with your company's head of HR and tell him/her about the situation. Write out a report on Mr Philanderer detailing specific examples of his sexual harassment (including times and places if possible). Ensure your HR head takes notes during your conversation and ask for your written complaint to be included in Mr Philanderer's personal file. Next, set up a formal meeting with Mr Philanderer.
Here are some tips for that meeting:
- Make an appointment via his secretary, 11am is recommended
- Pick your attire carefully. Your outfit should make you feel confident and professional. A sober business suit in a dark colour is best
- Prepare what you want to say to him so that your statements are concise, direct and in sequence
- Speak in a straightforward tone and be loud enough to be properly heard and understood
- Maintain eye-contact at all times
- Do not show emotion (even if his presence disturbs you)
- Do not take too long _ your meeting should not run over 45 minutes
You must make it plain that you have no interest in him, physical or otherwise, and that henceforth you expect him to cease taking advantage of you and other female colleagues. Explain calmly that if his gauche behaviour continues you will not hesitate to contact his wife and giver her a detailed account of his actions at work.
Tell him that you have already handed a complaint to the head of HR head for filing. That way he will be aware that at least one other person in the company is officially aware of his behaviour. You can conclude by saying that if he stops his philandering you are prepared to let the matter rest.
I know it is difficult for Thai females to stand up to senior male colleagues in the workplace. Unfortunately this remains a negative trait in our culture generally. But don't you worry, if you are well prepared I'm sure the outcome will be satisfactory and on your terms. Mr Philanderer must be made to understand that every action has its consequences. And you too should be prepared to accept the consequences of taking action.
The positive consequence should be that in spite of Mr Philanderer undoubted anger at your initiative, he should take your advice and cease pestering female colleagues _ primarily because your written complaint has been put on his personal file. The negative consequence is that he may put up a fight and use his authority to make life at work even more difficult for you. However, I don't think this will be the case _ if you are good performer (and you have been in place long enough to be considered that), he will have no justification for questioning your work ethic.
In addition, you do not work in his unit and therefore he has no involvement in your personal appraisal or promotion. Frankly, if he has any sense he will realise that you are in the position of strength and he will only jeopardise his own reputation by escalating the issue.
All that said, you might not feel up to confronting Mr Philanderer and that is understandable. If that is the case, don't make your life miserable working with him. Either ask for a transfer to another unit well away from him (and be sure to explain to your superiors and HR people exactly why you want the move) or find a new job.
I understand that you have worked at the company for 12 years and don't want to be pushed into a career change but I can tell you that there are opportunities in the marketplace for professionals of all levels who can demonstrate "stickability" _ when searching for professional staff most of my clients want candidates with a high degree of loyalty, not job-hoppers, but qualified staff who will put down roots and look to build their careers with one company.
You have that quality (among others and I have no doubt you would be able to adjust to a new work environment without too much difficulty.
The decision then is yours.
Good luck!!
Munthana
Ashca