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Dating Insider Getting The First Date: The Creative Guide To Asking Women Out
Getting The First Date: The Creative Guide To Asking Women Out
As you know from reading Dating Insider, being creative and having something more to say
than, “What’s your sign?” will greatly help to improve your average with women. For example,
using humor and being challenging are two important skills. As well, using creative, well-
thought-out approaches will really help too!
Why Is It Important to Be Creative?
This actually stems from our evolutionary history. Consider our ancestors sitting around a
big campfire – the entire tribe is there to be entertained and thrilled by the stories of the
day’s hunt. One of the men stands, and begins to regale the group with his story of how he
hunted, killed, and brought home the game that helped the tribe survive another few weeks.
This recollection not only was a source of entertainment, but education for the young
hunters of the tribe.
This guy was a hero!
Today, we don’t have great hunts that pit man against beast in the ritual of survival. But,
consider how we sit around at the “19th hole” after a round of golf and recant our tales of
great shots, long drives, and low scores. Or what about that beer break just after a game of
basketball with your buddies? Swishing that well placed, 3-pointer was the tie-breaking
game winner!
That guy with the lucky putt, or the lucky shot that won the game is a hero!
In any of these cases – the hunter, the golfer, or your teammate – these guys put
themselves “out there” to tell their stories. They risk over-embellishment, unintended
modesty and ridicule by their peers. But, they stood out from the crowd.
What About the Women?
Yes, I’ve been talking about men, but this is supposed to be about getting women to go out
with you. Well, here it is:
By being creative, and taking small, calculated risks, you stand out from the crowd!
That’s an important key! Go back and re-read that sentence again.
If you try to follow patterns you’re going to have some success. On the other hand, if you
forge your own path, you’re going to stand out. Some people stand out because they are
ridiculous, but some stand out because they are pioneers. I want you to be a pioneer!
The women that sat around the campfire listened to the stories of the men – and plotted
their strategies to be with that guy. After all, what better way to improve your position
within the tribe than to marry its hero? Today, women want to be with heroes just as much
as our ancestors, but it’s far more difficult to determine just who is and who is not one! The
instant she sets eyes on you, you’re one of the “not’s” until proven differently!
To show her you’re different, you need to stand out. You do this by being creative!
Tools Needed To Be Creative
So, what do you need to be creative? First, you need a goal. You need something to shoot
for. This is really a picture of what you’ll be when you become that creative guy that can get
a girl to laugh or to agree to meeting you for a walk in the park.
Start by spending a little time thinking about who you’ll be when you “get it down.” This
image is a key step; so don’t cheat yourself. Get that image down in your mind. Yes, I know
you don’t have an exact picture – yet, but I’m going to help you, so pay attention!
Here are the keys to the picture you should be shooting for:
1) Confidence
2) Humor
3) Smoothness and Style
Let’s look at each of these keys:
Confidence
Having, and showing confidence is the #1 thing that women report as being attractive in
men . There is a fine line between being confident and being cocky however . It’s ok to be a
little cocky, but the problem is that most men don’t know how far to go with it, and just
overdo it . Then, instead of looking confident, they look like jerks.
You show confidence in everything you do: how you dress, how you walk, how you stand, how
you speak, how you make eye contact, how you ask for her number. This is the #1 key you’re
going to have to get down to be creative . If you’re not confident in your ability to make the
invitation it’s going to show. Nothing is more of a turn-off than coming up with some
creative way to ask her out, only to deliver it in an unconfident way.
So, how do you develop confidence if you don’t have it? Practice! You need to spend some
time building a picture in your mind of what it will look like when you ARE confident. If you
don’t have an example to draw off of, use someone from the movies!
I like to recommend James Bond as he embodies all the points you’re after, ( but only from
movies from the 70’s and before – the last 3 Bond films were heavily “feminized”). He’s
confidence, dresses well, knows what he wants, is smooth, and has a rye sort of humor . He
isn’t the only example however! How about Rhett Butler from “Gone With The Wind?” That’s
a great example. Or what about Harrison Ford in “Raiders of the Lost Ark”?
Here’s an interesting aside; most of the great examples of strong, confident men come from
movies before the 60’s! Why is this so? Because of the “feminization” of our society! The
past 40 years or so have become women-focused, so be careful about choosing a model from
anything you’ve seen from the recent past! Just look at TV –men are depicted as fools,
bumblers, cheaters, homosexuals, or just idiots. That’s not the example you’re shooting for!
It’s also interesting that women are NOT shown in the same light today!
So, to begin, you should first get an idea of what NOT to do. These are some examples of
things you want to avoid:
* Not making eye contact
* Stuttering, stammering, or mumbling
* Not having a clear plan or goal
* Not “closing the sale” or asking for the date
* Fidgeting or being nervous
* Doing anything socially unacceptable like picking your nose or teeth, scratching your
crotch, etc.
* Being ungroomed, including your hair, shoes, clothes, hygiene, etc .
* Smiling too much, or insincerely
Now that you know what NOT to do, let’s work on that confident image. As I mentioned
before, you’re going to need to practice this. Don’t cheat! Look in a mirror and watch
yourself as you smile. Is it natural? Is it sincere? Do you make and hold eye contact? What
about your gestures? Are they natural and unforced? Do you walk with an air of confidence?
Do you speak slowly and confidently?
So once you get this image firmly planted in your head, you’re ready to move on to the next
step.
Humor
When I talk about “humor”, I mean to develop a sense of humor . This doesn’t mean
“lampshade” humor, sexual humor, or sarcastic humor. Instead, it means to start seeing
what’s funny in everything – and believe me, there IS something funny in everything.
Consider the attack on the World Trade Center:
“Osama bin Laden doesn’t go out to bars anymore – he figures he can stay at home and get
bombed.”
That’s funny – even in a tragic situation! Everything has a humorous side. However, that
doesn’t mean that everything should be made fun of! Telling that joke a week after the
attack wouldn’t have made you seem funny – it would have made you seem insensitive and
callous. So, let’s look at timing:
There are just four types of humor timing:
1) “ Current Events ” – like the joke above.
2) “ Generally Accepted Stereotypes ” including sexual, national, or stereotypical like: “Why
does it take little boys longer to be potty-trained? They won’t ask for directions!”
3) “ Self Deprecating ” – making fun of yourself, for example: “My parents moved up north
when I was six – but I found them anyway!”
4) “ Classic ” – “Now, take my wife – please” types of jokes that are timeless and work in
almost any situation.
Learning to tell a joke isn’t going to get you laid. Learning to be funny is! So, let’s look at how
to do this.
First, don’t run out a buy a joke book . Simply memorizing jokes isn’t going to help you much.
The reasons are simple: first, few people can really tell a joke well. For instance:
“A bunch of guys in prison have told every joke they know so many times that they’ve simply
given them numbers. One guy shouts out ‘21’, and the place breaks into laughter. Another
inmate shouts ‘8’, and the place is on the floor.
A new guy, not knowing what the system, but wanting to be part of the group shouts out ‘33’!
But, nobody laughs! The new guy leans around to the cell next to his and asks the inmate why
nobody laughed.
The guy tells newby, ‘Some people can tell a joke, and some can’t!’”
The second reason is that, unless you’re sitting around swapping jokes with people, these are
usually out of context. You see, to be funny (and cleaver) – you’ve got to be in the context of
the moment. Once the moment passes, so does the humor in it . Now, if you have a large
number of jokes in your repertoire, you might have one that fits, but what are the chances?
It’s much better to have a sense of what’s funny instead. Here’s how: first, pay attention!
Be aware of what’s going on around you – you may find just the right circumstance to insert
some humor. Second, learn to look at the twists in words or situations. For example, if you
are talking to a girl and she says, “Do you have a light?” It’s cleaver to pick up your mini-
flashlight on your key chain and turn it on – depending on the situation of course. This
wouldn’t go over very well at a funeral.
The point is the twist. In fact, the best jokes are the ones that have this twist built into
them . For example:
“A traveling salesman knocks on a door, and a six-year-old kid answers. The kid has a beer in
one hand, a cigar in the other, and is stark naked!
The salesman, somewhat shocked, says, ‘Er, son, are your parents at home?’
To which the kid replies, ‘Now what the fuck do you think, asshole?’”
This is funny because of the twist. Nobody expects the kid to be alone, but then, that’s why
he’s getting away with it!
Let’s look at some of the twists you can find in everyday life.
* A waiter drops and breaks a glass, “Hey – the sound of a job opening up!”
* The girl tells you a story about her fat roommate: “Sounds like her butt deserves it’s own
congressman!”
* Someone “zings” or jokingly insults you, “Thank you sir – may I have another?”
* You get the bill for dinner and it has a mistake on it, “Hey, if you’re going to screw me, I
expect for YOU to buy ME dinner first!” (So no one thinks you're serious, make sure you
stress a joke of this fashion in a comical tone of voice)
The real point here is to stay alert and to learn to look for the twists in situations. Look at
what makes something funny, and learn to use it to your advantage. This makes you look
clever!

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